Thursday, August 30, 2012

Live in 3, 2, 1

I was on TV today. Here's the link to the vid.
http://www.kasa.com/dpp/nm_style/features/little-shop-of-horrors-at-the-cardboard-playhouse

Had a pretty good rehearsal tonight and we're going to have a GREAT opening night tomorrow. Still a lot to get done tonight, so I better get moving.

All the love,
Kristin

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

100

Happy 100 blog posts!

Had an exhausting, but good day today.

Good work out.

Good meeting with CJ.

I'm now looking for a set of hard drives that appear to have wandered off of their own. Ugh.

I'll be on TV in the morning at 8 am on Kasa Fox 2. Tune in!

All the love,
Kristin

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Being a Girl

Can be great most of the time, but not when your "Aunt Flo" comes to visit. Working out when you're on your period SUCKS. But I went and did Hardcore, PAINE, and my personal training with Rachel anyway. It was tough, but I finished.

I had a meeting with the director of the movie I was cast in today in Santa Fe. I met him at the ranch where they shot Blazing Saddles, which is where we are going to be filming. Met the director of photography and rehearsed my scene a couple of times. It was pretty awesome. Then when I left, I made a wrong turn somewhere and ended up on NM Scenic Byway Hwy 14..... and had to drive through Madrid, San Antonito, and Cedar Crest. It was beautiful, but a long way home.

Had a great rehearsal tonight for Little Shop of Horrors. Got a lot of the kinks worked out.

I'm taking some aleve and heading to bed.

All the love,
Kristin

Monday, August 27, 2012

Feed me, Krellborn

Good workout today.

LOOOOOOONNNNG rehearsal tonight.

Come see our show. It's going to be good.

I'm going to bed.

All the love,
Kristin

Thursday, August 23, 2012

... and pulse.

SO

MANY

CRUNCHES.

Will I sure be sore tomorrow.

(Thanks Wilton)

Goodnight friends!

All the love,
Kristin

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Onward.... again.

Short version of today. Went to class. Had talk with CJ and Wilton. Had to decide whether to quit or continue, but recommit myself to the program. Spent a long day thinking, crying, thinking, being sad, thinking, and then finally deciding to recommit.

Going onward. I have to go to sleep now so I'll make it to hardcore at 9:05 am. Anyone else coming with me?

All the love,
Kristin

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Wilted

Today my pre-made salad I bought so I could eat healthy, but quickly since I had a busy schedule today was gross. It had a funny smell when I opened it up, but the lettuce still "looked" okay. Everything else looked okay too, so I dove into it. After about 15 bites.... something just didn't taste right. I took a look at the date stamp on the bottom. August 16th. I bought it on the 19th. The grocery store SHOULD have pulled it on the 17th. Looks like I'll be checking all dates I buy from the new Lowe's. If I happen to die because I ate old lettuce, you'll know why.

Had PAINE today. It was tough as usual, but one cool thing, I was able to get up from the ground today by pushing off of my knee instead of the floor. Haven't been able to do that in a long while. Whoo!

That's all the news that's fit to print today.

All the love,
Kristin

Monday, August 20, 2012

Best Laid Plans

Pretty good day.

Went grocery shopping last night at the NEW AND IMPROVED Lowe's Supermarket on 12th and Lomas. It's WAY nicer than it used to be, and I even think the service has gotten better. One of my biggest complaints before they remodeled was that their service was crap. My parents' own a grocery store, and I know how customers should be treated, and the people at Lowe's didn't seem to know how to do that. But it seems the the store got a facelift, and so did the staff. The selection is awesome now too. Got some really great yummy and healthy items for this week.

Had a nice rehearsal for Little Shop of Horrors tonight. (You all need to get your tickets NOW!) Opening night is going to have this really awesome party with food and drink and hanging out and talking and getting to watch the show and so much fun for $25.00. You should totally come then.

It's funny how one person can change the whole feel of something. We had a sub for CJ today in Shock, and while she was still great (she really really was!) the class didn't have the intensity and energy that it normally does. That class is CJ.... and CJ is the class. It was still a good class, but because he wasn't there, I felt like I didn't get out of it what I normally do even though everything was just the same. I think we all take on CJ's energy and intensity when he's teaching and it pushes us harder.

That's all for today!

All the love,
Kristin

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Lots o' Likes

Today was a great day.

Good breakfast.

Good workout at the gym. Wilton even said it was a good one. I really tried to focus on my form. I really tried not to compare myself to anyone else's workout. I have to concentrate on me and what I can do.

I got cast in a movie! I found out yesterday that the director's of the film Emancipation really liked my audition on Thursday and want me for the role of Mrs. Whitmore. So nice and exciting. It will shoot in October in Santa Fe. It's a "long short film," and the script is about 30 pages. I'm not sure about anything else about it, but that it's a western set in Colorado before the civil war. I posted this great news on my facebook wall and I am genuinely surprised and pleased by the outpouring of support from my friends and family. It's so exciting.

My sister shared my blog today. She's never done that before. I love her so much. SHE is an inspiration to me daily. She is super confident, is an amazing dresser, always has amazing hair and makeup and from what I know, doesn't let anybody give her any grief about anything. She is funny and lovely and loves all different kinds of music and is a great mediator and a great friend and the best sister and friend I could have ever gotten. I'm moved and floored and honored that she considers me an inspiration. I can't say enough how much I love her.

We had a fundraiser for Cardboard Playhouse Theatre Company tonight at Dublin's Street Pub. It was an amazing turnout! It feels nice to have so much support, especially from the people who aren't even involved in our current production of Little Shop of Horrors.

Had a good interview with a journalist from the Albuquerque Journal for a preview article about Little Shop too. I think it will be a good article!

So, it was a busy and fulfilling day. Another tomorrow!

All the love,
Kristin

Monday, August 13, 2012

Back to School

There has been much thinking going on in my head lately. Thinking a lot about how to be true to myself and to others and this project.

I've been stuck in the same 4 pound rotation since March of this year. That is frustrating to say the least. I also can say that I have not stuck to my "diet." I've missed a lot of workouts. Some because I was injured. Some because I was busy. Some because I slept through them. Some because I just plain didn't want to go.

It's hard to be accountable to so many people. I just wanted to hide. I wanted to rebel. I want to do things for me, because I want to do them, not because I was told I had to. I know I sound like a pouty 4 year old girl.... and that's okay, because that's how I feel.

I've recently come across a lot of websites and blogs about the "Healthy at Any Size" movement. Dances With Fat is a blogger who is an amazing dancer, and is heavy, and is seeking acceptance for her size. She talks about how doctors telling us to lose weight to be healthy can be a myth. There are plenty of people who are slim who have heart attacks, and cancer and other issues with their health. I would say just as many as their are overweight people with the same problems. When I had my blood tested recently, everything came back in the "normal" range, with the exception of my cholesterol. It was only up a few points. I'm sure now if I were to check it out it would come back as normal.  So, if you were to just look at my blood work, and not my weight, you would say, this person is healthy. Just looking at me though, no numbers. Most people would just assume that I'm not healthy. While I don't agree with everything "danceswithfat" says in her blog, I find a lot of what she has to say interesting.

One of my goals from before, and now, is to Be Kristin. To be true to me. As much as I always wanted to learn how to play the guitar, I even bought one, I realized that I will never actually learn how to play the guitar. If it was REALLY important to me I would make it happen. And here I am, missing workouts, not following my eating plan.... and wondering, "Is this weight loss really important to me? Wouldn't I be making it happen if it was?" I don't know the answer to these questions yet. Am I being true to myself with my goals? Do I really care if I can run or jog a mile without stopping? Honestly, not really. Would it be cool if I could do that? Sure. Through this journey I have already discovered the amazing things my body and my mind can do. I can flip a tire. I can climb up and down a ditch ravine. I can do lots of kettlebell exercises and throw lots of punches and kicks in my cardio classes. I can do a downward dog in 105 degree heat with 60% humidity. I can do all of those things at the weight I am now. What is amazing and exciting is the things I could do weighing less.

Yet for some reason I'm having trouble committing to everything. To making a plan and sticking to it. One of the things that "danceswithfat" has said in her blog that had really resounded with me is, "Have you ever had something that you hated: a purse, some shoes, a knick-knack that was a gift from someone? Did you take good care if it? Were you inspired to dust it and polish it and keep it beautiful. Me neither."

I feel like that's me with my body. I'm not inspired to take care of it. I'm slowly finding the value in the things it can do, but I don't love it, like I love my necklace with all the metal feathers on it. I make sure it goes in a safe place every night when I take it off so I know where to find it the next day. I have trouble appreciating the things I can do, and knowing that if I take care of myself, I can do even more. I have to accept myself as I am now, so I can take care of myself  now, so I can become the person who I want to be. That person is already inside me, but I need her to come out.

Spoke with Wilton tonight on the phone. I know that I'm winging a lot of what I'm doing right now, but I do have to say that when I was following the eating plan, I was pretty miserable. I don't know if I'm a good planner. I don't know if I'm someone who will ever look at food as just fuel for my system. I do relate a lot of things back to food. Joy, celebration, spending time with those that you love. I also know that I can emotionally eat too. I can feel upset and alone, or frustrated or angry, and not knowing how to explain how I'm feeling, or not being able to express myself because of so many things I instead eat a candy bar, or grab a soda. That problem in the moment, momentarily solved.

I feel like I wasn't totally heard tonight. I want to figure out how to love who I am and the shape I am now. I am emotionally struggling with how I feel about everything. I truly do feel that no one should hate their body, yet I do. I truly feel that we should love people for who they are, and not what they look like, but I have been known to judge a person on occasion for what they are wearing or how they look. I feel like I'm torn between my ideals and how I really am. I know that I want to change things in my life, but are they for the right reasons? Some of them seem so shallow and stupid.

I've always been someone who people have described as smart. Gifted program in school. Scored well on tests. Pretty great grade point average. Started a theatre. None of these achievements have ever come from something that I have physically done. And maybe that is where my value system is skewed or needs to be retooled. It's never been important to me to run faster than someone else, or do more chin ups, or worked out for hours on end. When I was going to Planet Fitness to work out before, I always felt like my workouts were such a waste of time. Sure I lost some weight, but I could have been writing a play, or putting together a project, or writing an email... my brain was bummed it wasn't being used.

I feel like I'm meandering now in this blog. I'm trying to figure stuff out. I want to stay true to myself, but also really go after those things that are important in my life. So, how do I make those things that aren't normal in my life, like following a plan, going grocery shopping, going to bed early, going to workouts every day, being organized etc. become Kristin? That's what I'm trying to figure out. I've done all of these things for more than 30 days. They aren't habits yet. What do I do now?

Lots of questions, no real answers or solutions. I guess that's all for tonight.

All the love,
Kristin

Monday, August 6, 2012

Just want you to know...

There is a lot of thinking going on over here.

More to come.