Eighth of Onward

Closure

2012-02-16T00:44:00.001-07:00

Great workout this morning.

Good meeting with CJ. Didn't cry this time. Felt like some progress is being made.

Great performance at The Box from a very dear friend.

A short conversation that I've been longing to have that let me finally feel a little more at peace about a friendship.

Sleep sweet.

All the love,
Kristin

MIA

2012-02-13T22:08:00.000-07:00

And, no, I don't mean the singer. I do mean missing in action. Time to catch everybody up!

When tech week happens I tend to disappear from everybody except the theatre. Luckily I have an extremely understanding trainer who felt that my getting some much needed sleep after my repeated nights of 2:00 am bed times was more important than going to the gym. I was exhausted and was a tired, teary mess. Tech week everything is at its most overwhelming and there is no time to waste time on something that isn't going to work.

Willy Wonka Kids opened to a whole SOLD OUT weekend. In fact, the whole run is now sold out. For the first time in Box/Cardboard Playhouse Theatre Company History every single ticket for our run has been purchased. An amazing feeling. The show is amazingly adorable. 30 kids (the most in CPTC history) take the stage ranging in ages 7-16. Super fun, and the music is super catchy.

On top of that awesomeness, our determination letter from the IRS came in and Cardboard Playhouse Theatre Company has been approved as a non-profit! We can now apply for grants, accept donations, and offer deductions to people who donate to us. It changes the big picture for us and I can't help but to feel relieved and thankful for that amazing opportunity to take our theatre company to the next level. Hopefully, with help from others, we will soon be able to draw salaries for all the work that we do and put more into our productions, marketing, and plans for the future.

Headed in to Hot Yoga on Sunday morning, had a good class. More standing poses, which I always feel a little bit better about. I feel more stable, grounded, which I think is what you are supposed to get out of them. Then Rebecca shows us the Bird of Paradise pose.... woah. Perhaps someday I'll get there, but dang that girl is flexible. This isn't Rebecca, but it's what the pose looks like.

After class she and I had a really nice talk about how it can be frustrating to watch others in class complete poses and not be able to get there fully, or sometimes even partially. How it's hard to watch oneself in the mirror going into poses as one gets stuck in their head about how they look. I'm totally talking about myself. It's always a nice reminder at the beginning of class that the instructors remind us to not have negative self talk as we look in the mirror, to smile at ourselves and remember our intentions for class that day. But sometimes its hard to not be critical of yourself, especially when I can remember being able to do some of these poses in the past, and not can't. However, I was able to touch a couple of fingers to the ground in a forward fold and I felt comfortable going up into downward dog, although I couldn't hold it for very long. It's the class where I feel like I'm seeing the most progress so far. Wilton has said that my form has gotten better, but that it still need a lot of improvement. We will get there. After our nice talk, I went into the main studio and jumped on the scale. 270.1 lbs. That means that I've lost a total of 18 pounds since the beginning. Whoo!

Shock (Cardio boxing) was okay this morning. I still get lost sometimes when CJ changes up the routine and by the time my muscles have finally figured out the order, we've moved on to the next set. I know it has a little to do with the fact that I'm not getting enough sleep, and I wasn't feeling totally great.

After class I was feeling pretty sick to my stomach and ended up calling in sick to work. Slept all day. Must have been something I ate the night before. I don't know. Feeling much better now and I think it all passed through my system.

Pulled it together for our Alice in Wonderland Jr. auditions tonight. Saw 46 kids. That's a lot.

Everything is feeling on the up and up. I know there is much more to go, but I'm still looking forward with a positive heart. Thank you to all who are following my journey. I greatly appreciate it.

All the love,
Kristin

Radioactive

2012-02-06T22:36:00.003-07:00

Went to the X-ray place today to start my Thyroid Uptake Scan. The technician was ALL BUSINESS. He didn't want to make small talk or laugh at any of my jokes or congratulate me on losing 11 pounds in a month. It was like that Progresso Soup commercial where she tells the guy "They fit!" and he's all "...and..." and then she asks to talk to a woman. At any rate he gave me vial with a small pill and said to not touch the pill, but to just swallow it from out of the vial. Swallowed it and then I was sent on my way and told to return at 3:00 pm.

Went to the gym for CXWorx with Jody and Shock with CJ. Both good classes. In some exercises I am finding myself able to do more than I used to a month ago. That's pretty cool. I had strained my knee last week in the personal training session with Rachel and every once in a while it hurts again for a moment. I'm trying to really listen to it and give it breaks when I can.

Went home and got ready for work. Packed my lunch with a new set of turkey burgers and horseradish mustard! Delish.

Work was good. Got some tasks done. Went back to the X-ray place where I think they took pictures of my thyroid and my hip.... Why my hip, I don't know. Then he explained that I would be returning in the morning and he would be taking more pictures, give me a shot and then take more photos on the table.... oh, also there was another woman on the table when I got there and he said that he'd "be doing her at the same time he was doing me." It took every fiber of my being to not laugh, say that's what she said, or point out what he had said was totally inappropriate. The shot will make the iodine I took in the morning radioactive so they can see it in the pictures. That's kind of exciting.

Finished the work day and headed to DAY ONE OF TECH for Willy Wonka Kids. For my theatre friends, you know what this means. For everyone else, TECH WEEK is crazy time for us theatre people. It's the week that the show is getting ready to open and all hell breaks loose. We are adding technical elements like lights and sound and also adding costumes into the mix. It's also when all of our actors (all kiddos) decide to go crazy. It was an okay rehearsal, the first run wasn't so great but the second run was WAY better than the first one. We only did the first half of the show tonight. Second half tomorrow. I hope it will run smoothly twice.

Made my dinner, but my calabacitas didn't hold up very well in the fridge this time around... all mushy and mixed in with my rice. Unappetizing and yucky. I ate my chicken. I'll try to snack on some raisins or something when I get home.

Found a really great quote in The Daily Love today.
"This is when the magic happens: right when you feel like everything is going wrong, shift your attitude to accept that it's actually going right. Our judgments of how we think our life should be are preventing us from reaching our Highest Potential. If you're going through a storm, hold the belief that it's the perfect storm for you to be going through and that you've been given everything you need to weather the storm. When the chaos subsides you will experience the Truth that is forever true; you are always taken care of, exactly where you need to be and your efforts are rewarded exactly when they need to be. Remember this Truth the next time a storm is on the horizon and you will grow wings and be able fly right over it and towards the calm waters of Trust and Love." - Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath

Hope you are flying.

All the love,
Kristin

"Round Here, We Stay Up Very Very Late"

2012-02-03T02:11:00.000-07:00

Today as I was heating up my chicken, calabacitas, and brown rice for dinner, and dreading eating it, it was a moment of can I do this for the next 11 months?

It's only been a month and I'm already bored with my food. Wah!!! I roll out to the lobby as my business partner snacks on a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and I want nothing more to grab a package off of our concession stand and eat one myself. But I don't. I worked too hard in Body Pump today to ruin it with a delicious chocolate and peanut butter treat. I sadly eat my dinner, which is pretty much the same every single night as it is the only thing so far I know how to cook. I'm totally bumming out.

Then, as I scroll facebook, I notice a friend has posted a music video of Regina Spector, which makes me remember a music video of hers that I like. I go to YouTube and pull it up. Then I remember another video, and another, and another. I find myself singing along and having a good time by my lonesome. I forget all about the chicken and the peanut butter cup and realize that 1. things could be a LOT worse that eating the same meal every night and 2. Ke$ha's music video for Blow is pretty freakin' hilarious.... also that music can help push other emotions to the surface.

It's one of the things that I enjoy most at eVolv, the music selection. Always fun and current and it wills you to move forward and to not stop. I appreciate the push.

When I'm especially sad there is nothing that pushes better than listening to my favorite band, Counting Crows. Listening to sad, soulful Adam Duritz sing about his melancholy in August and Everything After lets me dwell in mine for a few hours, and then we get to This Desert Life and by Mrs. Potter's Lullaby I'm a much happier camper.

Tomorrow, I walk 3 miles on the treadmill in an attempt to get under 60 minutes... here's hoping. I'm sure with the right music pulsing through the headphones I might be able to actually make it happen.

Here's to moving forward my friends. Put an album on that you love and rock out today, or take a moment to breathe, which ever you need.

All the love,
Kristin

Spicy Brown

2012-02-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

Today was a normal day, except that I discovered putting mustard on my food! At 5 calories per tsp, it's the best way to liven up all the food I've been eating.

Today was tough, I wanted to eat everything except what I had packed for lunch. I've been trying to incorporate tuna (for a change from the turkey burger) but I can't eat any seafood until next week because I have to get a thyroid uptake exam.

Quite a few years ago by GYN noticed a nodule on my thyroid. Got my blood tested, results came back wonky, but not hypothyroidism... had an ultrasound, yep... big nodule. Had a biopsy, negative for cancer, thank goodness! Put on thyroid medication for a little while but was slowly taken off of it by my doctor. Guess it really wasn't doing anything. Couple years after that had it all looked at again. Nothing had really changed. Got it checked again at the start of this journey. Thyroid levels normal, but the ultrasound technician noticed that one of them had gotten smaller, like someone had drained the fluid out of it. Got a call from my doctor and they noticed increased blood flow to the nodule so they want to check it out with the thyroid uptake exam. From what I understand they will give me a shot with iodine in it so they can track it's path in my system. Any other iodine (from fish or seaweed) will give it a problem.

So I'm stuck eating turkey burgers until at least Tuesday.

Other than that things are normal. Normal workout, normal day at work, awful rehearsal for Willy Wonka (you have to have them sometimes though so the kids realize that they need to work harder), got caught up on my glee and New Girl episodes, the theatre's improv team The Show had a cool gig at Presbyterian that went well. All in all, an okay day.

Time to go home so I can try to make my bedtime of 11:30... haven't been making it so far... self imposed bedtimes.... I almost think since I've set it, I'm rebelling against it. I've always hated bedtimes. One of my favorite pillowcases as a child had Sally from Peanuts on it and it said "I hate to go to bed and night and I hate to get up in the morning." It has always explained my life best.

Back in the Saddle

2012-01-31T22:01:00.002-07:00

While the last week has been very busy for me, it's not super interesting.

Every evening last week I went to my old apartment and packed my life into boxes. A lot of things I just threw away. It's bizarre to see everything you own in one room, in boxes. How did it all use to fill one apartment?

My dad did something for me that I couldn't do and took my cat to the Humane Society. I had to surrender her. It's painful and I feel awful, but I know in my heart of hearts I wasn't the best home for her. I'm rarely home, and I believe that she could use a really great family. Glinda, wherever you are, I hope you are a happy kitty.

Wednesday was my training day with CJ and he asked me how I'm doing. I think the stress of everything compounded itself together, plus the lovely added bonus of PMSing and I was a crying mess in no time.

One of the difficult things about this process is that everyone in your life is constantly asking you how you are doing. There are so many moments where I just want to tell them to read the blog. I try super hard to treat each person as new, as being someone who is genuinely interested in my story (which I'm sure most are) and let them know honestly how I'm doing. It is easier more times than not to give the easy answer of, "I'm doing okay. It's really hard." or "Good workout today, lots of punching," and skirt around the issue of how very exhausted I am. How it is very difficult to have so many people giving you assignments, some of them conflicting, and barely ever have a moment for yourself by yourself, truly, any more. Those are the moments that the tears come and I fall apart. I know it's just a moment. It will pass and I will feel better and positive about everything again. But when I'm crying and falling apart it feels like an easy thing to go back to the way life use to be.

AND then I remember how miserable that was and why I said yes to this journey in the first place.

And then I get sick. Super congested nose with sniffles and cough. Wilton had already given me the weekend off to finish moving and now, Monday morning, I can barely breath as I wake up. I text him and let him know I won't be making it in to the gym, but will rally for Tuesday.

Made it in today, for PAINE... my most "favorite" class. ;) Did okay, but still feeling sick. Weighed myself afterwards and staying strong at 277.3, which means I lost a total of 11 pounds in January. Whoo!

It's been a struggle, this past week. Lots of ups and downs. Lots of tears. I've got a pretty good support system in place and I know that things are changing, that there is progress. And I get an email from a friend's husband saying that they are rooting for me in Utah and that I've inspired him to get off his butt and his doctor thanks me. A dear new friend telling me that she is going to quit smoking because of what I am doing. Because if I can do what I'm doing, she can quit smoking. That is worth all the tears right there. And so I ask you out there who are reading this, if you are starting on your own fitness journey, consider keeping a blog yourself. You don't have to write every day, or every week, but write about your journey; share it with your friends (and with me!) and inspire those around you. For me it's one of the best motivators in the world. Perhaps it will do the same for you.

All the love,
Kristin

out of pocket

2012-01-25T23:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,
Sorry for being incommunicado for the last week. I'm in the process of moving out of my old apartment and haven't had much time for anything else. Here are some highlights:
I finally got to cook in my own kitchen on Sunday.
I deadlifted 132 lbs.
I weighed in at 277 lbs bringing the total for this month to 11lbs lost.
Our 501(c)3 application has been sent to another department for "final approval." I don't know what that means or how much longer its going to take, but things are progressing, so that's good.
That's all for now. Footage to come of me moved in to the new apartment!
All the love,
Kristin

The Luckiest Girl in the World

2012-01-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

I happen to know some very incredible people. I am so very thankful and fortunate to have come into contact with the people I have in my life. The last 2 days have been incredible reminders of this.First, my mom, who has been so supportive of me and ALL of the choices I've made in my adult life. She continually is there to lend a hand with the theatre when I need one, help me out with money when things are tight and just recently bought me all new kitchen supplies so I can start this journey off right. So I can cook in my own home with the correct tools.Second, my partner and best friend Doug. On top of being an amazing man, has been one of the biggest cheerleaders I've had in my life and continues to push me towards the future and to not dwell on the past. He's been so understanding as I've been trying to figure this new schedule out. I know just how much he has on his plate every day and I'm so thankful that he makes time for me.Third (and Fourth) Jenny and Wilton for giving me this amazing gift of recapturing my life. I'm finally learning how to take care of myself and put myself first. Everything is so new and weird and strange to me, but exhilirating. I cannot express how thankful I am to have both of them enter into my life at this time. For allowing me to learn to cook in her kitchen. For helping me pick out the perfect new tennis shoes. Those are amazing gifts and I feel so lucky. They are both so incredibly generous of heart.There are so many other people who have already been so amazing on this journey; my dad, my amazing sister, CJ and all the trainers at eVolv, the great staff at KJ, all of my fantastc support system on facebook that keeps getting added to daily. It is amazing (and a little weird, but in a good way) to know that I have so many people reading my blog daily and cheering me on. To get a comment from someone I've only met once saying that I'm inspiring. Its so much that I'm feeling. So much love and inspiration being shared it can be overwhelming at times. It's a hughnormous (thank you Katie Korbas!) feeling.I walked my 3 miles in 64 minutes yesterday. Every week we are going to try to shave a minute off. Stay tuned to the exciting results. ;)Thank you to all that have been reading. You're the best!All the love,Kristin

Punches

2012-01-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

Today I got to go back to my most favorite class, Body Combat! Cardio Shadow Boxing, this time with 4 instructors. It was awesome. Met some new people. And after class had a really nice talk with CJ. He asked me how I was doing mentally. How I was handling everything.

I think so far I'm doing well. I have my days where I feel like a baby, like I don't know how to do anything and I'm learning how to do stuff for the first time. I'm 30 years old and I should know how to do some of the stuff that I'm just learning how to do now. But at least I'm trying. I didn't say no to the process. I'm saying yes and being vulnerable and trying new things and growing as a person. So, yes, there are moments where I feel like an awkward midschooler all over again but I remind myself that it is part of the process and it won't feel like this forever.

I also lost two pounds since Friday, so that's cool.

I have homework assignments from CJ to eat an egg, watch a sunrise and describe it in writing and to keep a gratuity journal every morning.

Work was good. Got lots of stuff done.

Rehearsal was good. Got lots of stuff done there too.

Tomorrow I have a big important meeting in the morning for my theatre at 8:30 am, so I won't be going in to eVolve for class. Instead Wilton has prescribed 3 miles on the treadmill at whatever speed I want as long as I don't stop. I will report back with how long it took to complete.

Well, time for sleep. I hope you all had a great day!

All the love,
Kristin

44 Pounds

2012-01-17T23:30:00.001-07:00

Today was pretty good even though I had to go to PAINE. That's a joke. PAINE was fine. It was hard, but I made it through with the modifications. After PAINE I had some personal training with Rachel. She said her specialty is barbells. So we worked on 3 different lifts and then started adding weight. I got up to 44 pounds in an overhead lift. That was pretty interesting to me. Would have never tried that on my own, so that's cool.

Everything else was good today. I made it to work on time. Had a good Willy Wonka rehearsal. Good Q improv rehearsal. Ate all my food today. So all in all, successes. I'm sorry I haven't been more interesting lately, but it means things are good, so that's good right?

All the love,
Kristin

Normal

2012-01-16T22:43:00.001-07:00

Today felt pretty normal. Got up, went to work out. Finished working out, went home, got ready for work. Went to work. Went to rehearsal. Now I'm writing my blog. Settling in to a new routine feels pretty good.Nothing revolutionary or interesting.

Wilton said that I had some new swagger. That was cool.

Tomorrow I have to go back to PAINE. I don't hate the class. It's just so hard. One of the hardest physical things I've ever done. And then I have personal training after. Hopefully it will all go okay and I won't pass out or something. Or cry again. I'm sure it will be great.

I have to go home and cook turkey burgers now before Jenny kicks my butt about not making my food for the week.

All the love,
Kristin

A Weekend

2012-01-15T22:00:00.002-07:00

Friday began with a walk. A walk with Wilton. I've enjoyed these walks so far, even though I know we are timing them and I need to walk faster. It's nice to talk and share things with someone new. I haven't done that in a long time. When we got back to the gym, CJ said, "Come over here to the scale. How much did you weigh when you started with us?" "Um, I weighed 288 at the beginning of this week," I said as I stepped on the the scale, shoes still on. "Congratulations, you lost four pounds," and then I got a fist bump. What? I thought to myself as I looked down at the scale. There it was 283.7 pounds. And that was just from Monday to Friday. It's begun. The physical transformation. It was a huge push to my heart. Wow. I can do this. Even more so when CJ announced it to the cardiobox class as we got started. A round of applause, or congratulations, makes my actor's heart soar. I finish class, post my weight loss to facebook and proceed to get over 30 comments and over 50 "likes." Woah, people are following this journey. More than I'd ever guess. Ran some errands, watched the very last episode of "One Life to Live" with my family (it's the soap we've followed for years and now it's over), and back to The Box to clean and get ready for The Show. After the show, we went out with some friends to Chili's where I ordered grilled chicken, broccoli and black beans. I know I can eat these things on my food plan. I just hope I kept within my servings. I did have a few chips with salsa (and a couple with queso! aaah!)Saturday morning found me at my old apartment picking up trash and gathering a few things to take to my new apartment. I still have yet to move my couch and other big furniture. Soon I'll find time to make this happen. Then over to rehearsal for Willy Wonka Kids. DUDE, these kids are good. You should definitely come see this show when it opens in February. Jenny and I had talked on Thursday and she felt (and I kind of do too) that I should only get one cheat meal a week instead of a whole cheat day. It makes sense. So I ate my regular diet all day Saturday until dinner time. Then I went to Sushi King and had some extremely yummy sushi. It was super good. With my sprite, which was delicious. Then back to the Box for Tricklock Company's The Reptilian Lounge. I can't explain the whole lounge here, but click the link to find out it's amazingness. The lounge gets started at 10:30 pm and ends around 1 am. It's tons of fun, but a loooooong night. By the time we got everything cleaned up and chilled for a moment, I crawled into bed at 3:00 am.Woke up at 8:00 am, to get dressed and meet Wilton at eVolve by 8:45 am. Then I remember I need gas in my car! Aaaah, not planning my time well enough again. I make it to eVolve and with sleepy eyes tell Wilton about the Lounge and my bed time. We were supposed to go for a walk, but Wilton let's me slide today and just head into Hot Yoga. Now, Hot Yoga, for those of you that don't know is yoga, but in a room that is heated to 105 degrees with 60 percent humidity. It sounds scary at first. I stood in the studio and felt a little worried. My body started to acclimate to the heat and the humidity. The teacher assured me that it was fine to just sit in the corner with a towel on my head if I felt like I was doing too much. It was cool to even step outside to get cool. I took a yoga class in college that I really enjoyed, practiced on and off with a dvd in my home. I actually really like yoga. It's nice to focus on breathing and alignment and stretching. With the added heat and humidity it was a really interesting experience. Jennifer, the instructor was great. She talked about how our muscles hold memories and sometimes when we stretch they release certain emotions. That's exactly what I thought! Towards the end I got a little choked up. I felt much more open and relaxed, yet energized when it was over. Then I drove home and crawled back into bed for a nap... which turned into sleep for four hours. It was sooooooo nice. Finally woke up, took a shower, came over to The Box to get ready for a birthday party performance of The Show. The party is wrapping up right now. I think they had a blast. Still a night of work ahead of me, but it'll be nice to check some things off of the to do list. Sleep well friends.All my love,Kristin

Late

2012-01-12T23:29:00.001-07:00

"Nothing happens unless first we dream."

- Carl Sandburg, was an American writer and editor, best known for his poetry.

This quote is from a newsletter I get every morning from The Daily Love. It's a good one and I recommend checking it out. Full of inspirational quotes and stories.

Wilton is also full of inspirational quotes and stories. Somehow I get a pick me up text message from him just when I need one. It's pretty cool. I'm lucky to have a great new friend and teacher.

Let's get to today. I ran late to everything today. I was late to the gym, and then late getting out of the gym, and then REALLY late getting to work. There were lots of little things that seemed to go wrong with today, yet somehow I was able to take all the information that came in to me today and work with it.

Starting with the gym I was about 10 minutes late. I had to grab all of my equipment and catch up to where everybody else was. That was okay. Then, my sports bra decided it didn't want to stay attached to itself anymore.... The straps on this sports bra detach so you can make it a racerback or a regular strapped bra. It decided it didn't want to do either of those and came loose right in the middle of my workout. I had to stop, go into the bathroom, take it off, reattach the straps and then put it all back on again. It was pretty funny. And frustrating. I just wish they made a supportive sports bra for bigger ladies like myself. In fact I wish the whole sport clothing line industry made better clothing for bigger girls! It might make us feel more inclined to work out! Anyway, finished the workout which went well today. Chris is a great instructor who always remembers to mention the modifications of the workout. So nice for me. Put all the equipment away and talked to Wilton for a little bit before realizing that time had been ticking away like crazy.

I hopped in my car and sped off back to my downtown apartment. Took a crazy fast shower, dressed, packed my lunch and made it to work late. Which sucked. Had a conversation with our HR manager and we were able to come to a solution on my tardiness.

Time management has always been a problem for me. I've always misjudged the amount of time it is going to take to do something. Sometimes I even gauge too much time to do something when it really didn't take as long. As Jenny said to me today after work, the only thing I really have to worry about now is logistics. So, my goal is to plan my time out better. Try to wake up earlier to take care of my lunch and snacks for the day. Before going to sleep really look at what's on the docket for the next day and plan out what I can realistically get done. Hopefully I will get better with all of this.

Last night I put out a goal to the facebook world of once I get to my goal weight I will learn and perform the choreography to Beyonce's Single Ladies. She dances her butt off in that video. And she makes it look effortless, which is a true mark of someone's talent. So that's the goal.

I've got to be at eVolve at 9:00 am, so I best be getting some sleep!

All the love,

Kristin

Exhilarate

2012-01-11T21:45:00.001-07:00

Today was a GREAT day. I ate my breakfast (clif bar) and went to Body Combat which was taught by Wilton, CJ, and Jody. Fast paced and so much fun. I'd have to say that it's my favorite class that I've taken so far. Plus it has a lot of punching. That's always a good time. I felt energized, excited and happy afterwards. Exhilarated. I'm holding that feeling close to my heart tonight. Yogurt on the drive home. Did some work at the theatre before running home to take a shower, get dressed and make it to work.

I felt pretty productive with all the work I did today at work. Had my turkey burger with wheat sandwich thins, and carrots for lunch. Turkey and pineapple for snack. Then chicken rice and veggies for dinner. Great rehearsal with the kids for Willy Wonka. They sound great already.

Good day, didn't cry. Looking forward to tomorrow.

All my love,
Kristin

The Well

2012-01-10T23:24:00.001-07:00

I've decided that my body is holding all these emotions, and that is why I'm overweight... I know that's not the whole story, but hear me out.

Today I went to PAINE and this class is perfectly named. It was seriously one of the hardest physical things I've ever done, ever. Strength training intervals. Lots of going down and coming back up, which at this point in time is not easy for me. I modify the heck out of most of the class and I'm almost to the end. We're doing one of the last set of crunches when I get this overwhelming wave of sadness and disappointment... And in a weird way relief. I'm doing sit ups and I'm crying.

Class ends and I pull myself together enough to put my mat and weights away. Then Wilton asks me how I'm doing... I shake my head no, knowing if I begin to talk I'm just going to start crying again. And then I can't help it, the tears just start coming. He tells me what a great job I did in class. That I should be proud that I finished. I nod yes but I keep tearing up. We say our good byes and I make it to my car just to cry some more. I cry the whole way home. Finally, after talking to Doug I start to calm down... and I feel better. Each time I've cried recently I've felt a release, a release of some emotion I've been holding onto.

I think its the exercise perhaps trying to find those happy endorphins, but instead coming across sadness and hurt and then telling them to get the hell out the way. So often in our lives we try to be strong for our loved ones. To not let them in on how we are truly feeling, we don't want to hurt them with our pain. So we hold it in. We get bottled up. Its like I'm a bottle of coke that someone just shook up and took the cap off.

I'm doing better, the fizz is dying down.

The rest of the day was normal. Battled my curiosity in trying a chocolate red chile biscochito and won. Went to the kickoff party for Tricklock Company where they got to officially announce that they are going to be our neighbors. So excited to have truly lovely and talented people a lobby away. All in all, beside the odd sobbing fit it was a good day. I have great supportive people by my side. The best friends a girl could ask for. I'm so thankful.

All the love,
Kristin

Modify, Modify, Modify

2012-01-09T22:28:00.001-07:00

I owe you guys a total of 3 blogs.... one to make up for Saturday's non-blogness, one for Sunday, and one for today. So, this will be 3 blogs in one.

Saturday, I didn't have to go to the gym and I was given way to have a cheat day. It was a busy day as we had auditions for our upcoming Cardboard Playhouse Theatre Company production of Willy Wonka Kids. I ate all my regular breakfast of oatmeal, apple, and yogurt. Had a snack of pineapple. And then I had 3 pieces of a personal pizza and some soda. Then 2.5 hours of auditions. Showed my sister my new apartment. Went back to the theatre for The Show. Wilton came to see The Show with his family. It was nice to be able to share my business with him after he's been so gracious of sharing his business with me. After The Show we took the cast to JC's NYPD. I had a chicken parmigiana sandwich with a salad and some more soda. Then finally home to sleep. All in all a good day. Might have gone over my calories for the day... I'll try to do better.

Sunday found me meeting Wilton at eVolve for some one on one training. I ate a yogurt and an applesauce on the way there and then we went for a walk around my old elementary school. It was a nice brisk walk and talk where I feel like we got to know each other a lot better. Then, back at the gym, Wilton put some boxing gloves on me. I've never boxed ever. It was fun. Then some work with the resistance bands. Then my least favorite thing ever, lunges. They hurt my knees so much. Wilton is working with me to improve my technique so I do them so they don't hurt so much. It's going to take a lot of practice, but I think my technique will get better. Then home to shower, then to the grocery store, then Jenny was so kind to let me come over and cook at her home again as my apartment is still not totally moved in. She let me cook all on my own. I think I did pretty good, although without her helpful reminders I totally would have burned my chicken. I made 7 dinners, and made all my turkey burgers for lunch! Took me about an hour and a half. Gigantic feat for me and something that now feels totally doable. On my way to Jenny's I ate some turkey and string cheese. At the store I had a tuna sandwich on whole wheat. Snack after cooking, Clif bar. Cast the play. Gathered all my laundry, went to my sister's house. Ate chicken and black beans and rice. Did laundry and burned cds and fell asleep with my computer in my lap working on the rehearsal schedule.

Luckily I woke up at 8:00 am and had enough time to get ready for the gym for my 9:00 am CX Worx class. It focuses on toning your core. It was hard, but I made it through the 30 minute class in time for the 9:30 am Cardiobox class with CJ which again kicked my butt. What I have to continually remind myself in both of these classes is to modify things. I can't do everything yet, but I can do part or a not as intense version of what everyone else is doing. Made it through cardiobox again, so that was cool. Ran back to my sister's to shower, get dressed and collect my clean clothes. Made it to work a little late today. I was already bummed out that I hadn't finished the work I needed to the night before and now was definitely not going to get it done. Plus I had been rushing around so much I still hadn't eaten anything. I ran out to my car and grabbed a clif bar. After watching the front desk I was able to make my turkey burger with whole wheat sandwich buns and some carrots. So tired, I decided to drink a diet coke to get some caffeine in my system.

Today was the day that our office was going to get all measured and weighed for our competition. I was dreading it all day. Tired, hungry, bummed out... not a good mix to then find out your measurements. My weight hadn't changed from the last time I went to the doctor. 288 pounds. You read it here first. So disappointed in myself for letting it come this far before taking action. Then the BMI telling me I fall in the Obesity III category. Ugh. And the shame spiral is taking me under. Again, I cry in Jenny's office and I'm so mad at myself for being so weak.

I get so emotional and in my head that I can't talk about how I'm feeling. Jenny keeps trying to reassure me that I'm going to rock this and that no matter what I can't give up on myself. These things I know, but seeing it all on paper staring at me in black and white is just so heartbreaking. I know I will pull myself up and keep going. I'm taking this chance for everything that I can. I need to stop attaching so much weight to my weight. It's just a number after all. It doesn't change who I am as a person.

I finish up the day still feeling pretty low. Go pick up the copies for rehearsal from Kinko's. Head to The Box, heat up my dinner which I only eat 1/2 of. Just not hungry. The emotional eater in me is craving comfort food like mac and cheese, but I'm saying no and trying to deal with how I feel. The kids start to show up and I know I've got to get out there, smile and take charge. We have a great rehearsal, have brought so many great new kids into the theatre for the show (including Wilton's daugher! yay!) and I feel better. I'm with my family again and I know things are possible.

I know I have such a long road ahead of me. I know that it is possible to make happen. Jenny's goal for me is to lose 8 pounds by the end of the month. My goal is to be able to do lunges correctly. I'll be at PAINE in the am. I'll do my best to eat before I go. I'll do my best to have a snack and make it to work on time. I'll keep doing my best in everything I do and keep the smile on my face for as long as I can. Thank you so much for all of your support everybody. I wouldn't be this far without you.

Tomorrow's another day.

All my love,
Kristin

Cheat Day

2012-01-08T00:35:00.003-07:00

Hello Dear Reader,

Today was a long exciting day and will tell you all about it tomorrow when I'm at a computer and not my blackberry. Sleep sweet!

All my love,
Kristin

Five Days Fast Food Free

2012-01-06T22:11:00.003-07:00

Had a great day today. Went to Cardiobox at eVolv taught by CJ. That class kicked my butt. But I finished it and I know I can only get better at it. Star Jumps, I will get you.... maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday.

Next my mom, sister and I were taking my grandma to the St. James Tea Room. Going into this, this first eating out experience since this all started, I was nervous. I wanted to participate because it was a special event, but I knew I'd need to watch what I ate. I called and asked for the gluten-free menu to cut down on the bread. Even with that there were still a lot of sweets and things with cream. I ate the tea sandwiches with the cucumbers and turkey and then just took one bite of everything else. Hopefully it won't upset my diet too much.

After spending some really lovely time with my family it was off for a staff meeting at my day job. It was your typical staff meeting until at the end the lovely and wonderful Mandy asked Jenny if she wouldn't mind taking her measurements so she can work on staying fit. Then she challenged all the rest of us to do the same. We're having a contest. Whoever has the smallest body fat content by April at our conference on school health wins a cash prize. It's very exciting. Since I'm already doing all of this anyway I might as well make some money. :)

Then to The Box for The Show. It's our weekly improv show. Every Friday and Saturday at 9:00 pm. So funny. We had a sold out crowd that was pretty awesome.

Food today: Yogurt, Applesauce, Clif Bar, assorted teas and tea food at the tea room, and then my chicken, calabacitas and sweet potato for dinner. I also drank at least 6 glasses of water.

All in all it was a good day. I think I'm getting to take tomorrow off from the workouts and it is my cheat day so I can play a little bit with my food. I promise not to ruin my whole week in one day.

Have a fantastic Saturday dear readers.

All my love,
Kristin

Four Days In

2012-01-05T20:17:00.001-07:00

Well, four days to check off the calendar. Many more to go. I'm still feeling good and excited. Definitely no where as near overwhelmed as I was a few days ago.

This morning I went to pump and CX at eVolv with instructor Chris. She is pretty awesome. This class lasted about an hour and half... Pump is "full-body muscle conditioning using a barbell and plates" while CX Worx is "core-focused exercises for strength and stabilization." It was a long class. I was a little worried when we got started, wasn't sure if I would make it through the whole class. But Chris talked me through all the weight plate changes and I felt good. I took breaks when I needed them, shook things out, stretched a little bit and then got back into the swing of things. Someone also recognized me from my blog! That is the wackiest thing. It's pretty cool, but still odd to have people I don't know tell me that they've read my blog.

I ate almost all my food today too. I think I just have yogurt that I didn't get to this morning. Everything was good. My veggies in my dinner were a little soggy, but the pork and rice were delish. My turkey burger at lunch was good too.

Jenny had me pick up some Mio Liquid Water Enhancers and I've got to say that they have totally saved drinking water for me. I'm seriously pushing them. Good, and you can change up your flavor with each glass. I recommend them. And now they also have energy versions so you can save your calories from the energy drinks and still get hydrated.

Well, that's all for today. I'll be at Cardiobox at 9:30 am with CJ at eVolv if you'd like to join me!

All my love,
Kristin

Normal

2012-01-04T22:44:00.001-07:00

Today felt much more normal. I think I ate almost all of my food. My first dinner was delicious. My legs and arms were finally sore from my Monday workout. Tomorrow I head back to eVolv to start my new schedule. Good night for now.

All my love,
Kristin

Entree Attachment

2012-01-03T23:16:00.000-07:00

Today, was not an easy day. I was lucky because Wilton gave me a pass on working out so that I could go cook food with Jenny. It was going to be my first day going totally drive thru free. I think it's safe to say that anyone that knows me knows that I eat out for pretty much every meal. Cooking has never been something I've been good at and the thought of having to prepare all of my meals and snacks was a little scary. So was the thought of having to eat 5 times a day.

This morning I was supposed to eat oatmeal, yogurt, and an apple.

Apple not pictured as I had already eaten it's apple-y goodness.

\I made it through the apple and the yogurt before I felt myself being pretty full. Hey, I'd eaten pretty late the night before, so I saved my oatmeal for another morning.

Next I was supposed to eat a snack of carrots and peanut butter. Still wasn't hungry at all. I know that in order to kickstart my metabolism I'm going to have to eat more often, but I just wasn't hungry.

Lunch time comes up and I've got my turkey burger ready to go. Just need to heat it up in the microwave. In a hilarious (yet frightening moment) I put the burger in for too long and it shrinks into the smallest, hardest round most inedible thing I've ever seen. Luckily I work with Jenny and take her what was formerly my lunch and show her I now have no protein for lunch. She of course saves the day with some tuna she has in her lunch. With some whole wheat bread secured from Hello, Deli around the corner I've got a delish sandwich on my hands.

Tuna, string cheese, whole wheat bread, and steamed veggies.

As we get closer to five I can't imagine eating more food. I can tell my stomach is mad at me for making it process the food. It's been so used to eating food that has been pre-processed it doesn't know what to do with all the fiber I've been consuming in one day.

Overall, I'm feeling yucky and tired and even more overwhelmed than I had been before. I go into Jenny's office to discuss what time we're meeting for cooking lessons and I just start to cry. I sincerely was trying so hard to not have a breakdown this early on in the game, but I think with trying to change my diet and change apartments and everything else just kind of hit me all in one moment. Plus, with the earlier turkey burger fiasco, who wouldn't shed a tear? Jenny and I talked and I ended up feeling better, but still scared about working all of these things into my life. How in the world were we going to cook dinners for me for a whole week?

Well, let me just say it was actually pretty easy. I would definitely recommend finding someone else who already does it to help you with your first cooking. It was so helpful, especially for a novice like me. And it was a bonus that Jenny and Brian (her wonderful husband) cooked us dinner while all of my dinners were cooking.

Half of my yummy Quinoa Pasta Primavera.

After getting everything packaged and bagged it felt so much more manageable. I felt like I had some control over something again. It was ready and all I have to do now is pop my food in the microwave for 30 seconds. That is way faster than any old drive thru. I'm feeling so much better than I did this morning. I'm hopeful of everything else that is to come. Following are pictures of me cooking and all my dinners lined up for the week.

All my love,

Kristin

Day One Done.

2012-01-02T23:16:00.002-07:00

Well, day one is complete and I made it.

Here's the rundown.
Lunch from Subway, 6 inch wheat, Turkey w/Cheese, lettuce cucumbers, ranch dressing, salt and pepper.
Went to work.
Ate a Clif bar
Went to Pure Muscle class.
I got introduced to that class today. It was a dumbell and stretch band class. It was hard, but I made it through the whole hour. It was filmed, so I'm sure at some point we'll see some cuts from that where I'm sure I look lovely. ;) All my muscles got tired pretty quickly, but I did what I could. Wilton would come by from time to time to correct my technique. That was helpful. it was frustrating because there was some stuff that I just felt like my body wouldn't let me do... I know eventually it will and I know that there was some stuff that I used to be able to do. Got positive feedback from my classmates so that was cool. Some people already knew who I was from previous posts. That was cool.

After class I was feeling tired, but pretty good. We weren't done yet though. I had to meet Jenny at my parent's grocery store (they own Fair n' Square Food Store) to go healthy food shopping. Super educational reading the labels and what not. A little overwhelming too. I hopefully will remember most of what Jenny said tonight. We got A LOT of food. Jenny also invited me over to her house tomorrow so we can prepare food for the rest of the week and she can show me how to make things since I can't cook (yet) to save my life.

Here's what I made tonight

It doesn't look like much, at least to me, but what do I know... It's a turkey burger with cucumbers and kidney beans. The turkey burger with the kidney bean juice made it taste pretty good. I microwaved the patty this time, but I think I might try to pan cook it in the future... there weren't any microwave instructions on the box.

Driving home from the store I was feeling slightly overwhelmed. I KNOW that I have to make this stuff all work into my schedule. It's so important. But it feels slightly impossible right now. I'm going to do my best. Give it the old college try.

Tomorrow's another day. I'm looking forward to what it brings. Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement. It really means so much to me.

All my love,
Kristin

Resolve

2012-01-01T20:46:00.001-07:00

So, here we are, January 1st. That time when we all make promises to ourselves to make things different. To be better than we already are. To make that one change that will make all the difference in the world. I've broken so many promises to myself, that it breaks my heart thinking about it. Out of all the people we keep promises to you think the ones we make to ourselves would be the most important. The ones we would fight tooth and nail not to break. But yet here we are making the same promises to ourselves yet again.

I look back on my pledge to myself from last December 2010, and I still want all those things. As a recap:
1.Follow a schedule to balance my time.
2. Weigh 198 lbs by December 8th, 2011.
3. To eat at home more often.
4. To keep this website and blog updated.
5. To make a viable income.
6. To make time for friends and have at least one event in my home.
7. To take a results photo every 2 months.
8. To complete non-profit paperwork for Cardboard Playhouse Productions.
9. Get the theatre's financials in order.
10. Do more pre-production for shows.
11. Organize my home and get rid of excess.
12. Follow a personal budget.
13. Get some exercise at least 4 days a week.
14. Act in a play.
15. Enjoy life.
16. Cherish time.
17. Love others.
18. Adore myself.

Out of all of these things, I finished #8, but am now playing the waiting game with the state and the IRS in order to move forward and actually be a non-profit.

Looking back at this past year I had plenty of opportunities to make these things happen, but I continually let things get in between me and my goals. I gave myself excuses to get out of taking care of myself, my health, my finances, my business, and actually taking charge of my life. I was comfortable with just letting things happen to me instead of making things happen.

This whole past year though the universe has been trying to tell me something. Back in February my purse was stolen out of my car in front of Planet Fitness. I had to replace everything. New drivers license, bank account, new window. While the working out was good for me, casually leaving my purse in my car was not. Universe sent someone to partake of my lackadaisical attitude. Change.

Then my Infiniti I-30 that I loved decided to blow smoke out the tail pipe. Took it to the shop, the repairs would cost more than the car. Was going to have to get a new vehicle. Change.

After our summer camps were over I realized I didn't want to go back to the charter school I had done after care at the year prior. There was a lot of bureaucracy, and I didn't feel I was doing my best work there. Time to go back to a day job. I just happened to think of the event management firm I used to work at, looked up their website and saw that they were hiring. Sent the HR person an email and lo and behold I was able to go back for work for them. Not only that, but they were near my Planet Fitness. Change.

Also back at work at this event management firm was my friend Jenny. Mentioned in an earlier post, Jenny and I had always talked casually about me hiring her to be my personal trainer, something else that she does. She asked me to write down what I wanted. I think about a month and a half passed before I finally made the time and got the nerve to send her my goals. A few days later she called me into her office to tell me the good news. Wilton was offering to change my life. Change.

Finally, the Silver Gardens Apartments finally opened the second half of their new complex and I applied and visited their managers like crazy to check on my application. Finally, on Friday December 30th, I got the call that I was approved and could start moving in. Change.

I get it Universe. You want me to change. Everything has brought about an amazing result. I am in the right place at the right time right now. I'm getting an amazing opportunity to improve my life even more and (hopefully) in turn inspire others to make positive steps towards changing their own lives.

I believe I've mentioned in blogs past that I've felt very closed off from others, not willing to share things about myself or my life and now here I am getting ready to open myself up and be more vulnerable than ever before. I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't a little scared and very nervous.

But I know moving forward I'm going to be working very hard. Harder than I've ever worked before. Having to give up some things I love for someone that I should love more than those things, myself. My retooled goals for now are these:
To be healthy
To be organized
To be more financially stable
To be in a play
Audition for a movie
subcategories of this: get headshots done, get an agent
To be more active at The Box/take more ownership

And a little more surface
be able to shop in regular clothing stores
Being a size 12 would be awesome
be more comfortable in movie theatre seats/booths at restaurants

I know that they aren't as specific as they should be. I need to work on that. Specific goals. I'm putting my sights on Drew Barrymore's look and going for that. She and I are the same height, and she still has some bosoms, so I think it's possible. Maybe not in a year, but maybe in two.

In a year, I see myself saving money by making my own food, eating at home. Inviting people over to watch movies or eat dinner. Being proactive and taking charge at the theatre. Having energy to really play with the kids at the theatre. Going on auditions for plays and movies. Chatting on the phone with my agent about new headshots and my resume. All my bills being paid on time and getting my debt all paid off. Being able to sit in a chair and know that their is room between me and the armrests. Slide into a booth and know that their is room between me and the table. Going into a regular clothing store and being able to buy the latest trends and look GOOD in them. To be organized enough to take some time off and enjoy a vacation or time off with those that I love. Most importantly, being able to look in the mirror at the end of the day and know that I did everything that I could and I'm worth taking the time to take care of myself.

I know this blog is long. Thanks for reading all of it and making it to the end. I hope your resolutions are finding you well and that your heart is mended in 2012 like mine is.

All my love,

Kristin

Seal of Approval

2011-12-28T21:55:00.000-07:00

"December 28th, 2011"

Create a free slideshow with Picnik!

Well, I met Wilton Rogers, my new trainer for the first time last night. What a really nice, great, kind, inspiring guy! I feel super jazzed and super honored that he chose me. Also, we started filming last night. It was a little weird talking about my life while someone was filming it all, but the actor in me was super excited... Also, those of you who have been following me from far back probably remember that I had auditioned for The Biggest Loser. So, filming a transformation experience isn't something that I've never thought of.

By they way, to any one else reading out there, if you ever decide to audition for The Biggest Loser, save yourself the trouble of going to the live audition. It was seriously such a waste of time to talk to someone in a room full of other people who want exactly the same thing you do and have a producer of the show just ask you 2 questions and base your whole personality off of that. Then they tell you to please still submit a video. Just submit the video.

I got the seal of approval from my new doc today, Dr. Brad (who is also totally awesome by the way!) to fully participate in the lifestyle program. So now we are just counting down the days.

I know that the biggest thing that will be changing in my life will be my eating habits. They are going to be giving me shopping lists and meals to prepare. No more eating out for every meal for me. Knowing this, the last few weeks I've been saying good-bye to meals after I've finished eating them knowing that at the very least it will be a LONG time before I get to eat them again. And it's funny, the more I think about saying good bye to these foods that have made up my diet for the last decade of my life, I'm happy to report that I really don't think I'm going to miss them that much. I know a few years ago when I was trying to eat healthy I would complain and be a baby about not getting to drink a Sprite with dinner or whatever. I think I am finally actually in a place where, I'm done. I'm ready for someone to point me in the right direction and wave good-bye to these things that have quite literally been weighing me down.

The other weird thing so far is how much my readership of this blog has jumped recently. I know part of it is that I've been posting more often, but after Wilton posted a link to my blog he said that he had about 20 people come talk to him about it. Besides myself getting healthy, the most I can ask for out of this experience is to get others inspired and motivated to do the same. What an amazing gift to give to someone else.

Thank you so much to all of you who have been following and supporting me for so long. Your friendship and love have always meant a lot to me and I look forward to sharing this journey with all of you.

All my love,
Kristin

Hitting the Stands

2011-12-26T19:52:00.001-07:00

This is the press release that is going out this week about my upcoming journey/transformation/revolution. I hope the story will be picked up as "my team" and I hope to inspire others on their weight loss journeys!

eVOLV Fitness

7900 San PedroDr. NE, Suite C1, Albuquerque NM, 87109

Monday, January2, 2012

FOR IMMEDIATERELEASE

ALBUQUERQUE, NM– Grandiose personal commitments and wanton goal-setting have long been ahallmark of the New Year’s holiday. Unfortunately, most end up evaporating prematurely in the form of acancelled gym membership or an exercise equipment-themed garage sale comespringtime.

But onedeserving Albuquerque woman will be getting some extra help keeping her NewYear’s resolution this year, and the timing couldn’t be better.

Kristin Berg,co-founder of The Box Performance Space and the Cardboard Playhouse children’stheater company, is getting what one could call a “resolution evolution” from agroup of fitness freaks looking to make their mark on the Albuquerque gymscene.

This is no dietjournal and a couple of weekly weigh-ins, one-size-fits-all approach,however. A team of trainers,nutritionists, psychologists, and other health professionals, led by certifiedpersonal trainer and eVOLV co-founder Wilton Rogers, will create and execute acomplete 12-month long lifestyle overhaul for Berg, who has battled obesitysince middle school and who currently weighs 280 pounds.

“In elementaryschool, I looked like a regular little kid,” says Berg, now 30. “But by the time I got to high school, I waswearing baggy boys clothing and trying my best to blend into the background.”

But blending indoesn’t seem to suit her. Berg, who hasperformed in front of live audiences for more than half of her life, creditsthe performing arts with helping her battle severe bouts of depressionthroughout her high school years and early adulthood.

“Theater is achance to separate yourself from yourself, to live the life of someone else fora few hours,” says Berg, who wrote and produced a painfully autobiographicalfull-length play in college entitled “The Weight of the World.” “It helps you become whoever you want to be,if only for a short time.”

While Berg haslearned to love herself and to be comfortable in her own skin, she admits thather weight issues continue to have negative effects on her health and generalquality of life.

“Chronicinsomnia and acid-reflux are par for the course,” says Berg. “It’s hard to focus during the day, and Idon’t have much energy to do things.”

Energy issomething Berg is in desperate need of, however. In addition to running her theater andproducing children’s shows with co-founder Doug Montoya, Berg works part-timeat an event planning firm to help make ends meet.

“When we haveshows, 55-hour work weeks are pretty standard,” she admits.

So with limitedresources, limited time, and a string of broken promises to herself, Berg hadplanned to spend this New Year’s reflecting on yet another year spent gettingno closer to her goal.

Berg didn’t justneed a change. She needed someone tohelp her make a change. And that’s wherethe eVOLV Fitness team came in.

To help her makethis change, she will get the support not only of Rogers’ team at eVOLVFitness, but of an entire network of health professionals. From an intense fitness regimen includingpersonal and group fitness training, to comprehensive nutrition counseling andlifestyle coaching, the team will work with Berg to instill habits and ritualsthat she can integrate into her hectic lifestyle, ensuring that her successwill not be short-lived.

And in returnfor a year’s worth of life-changing? Berg will blog, Facebook, and tweet daily about all aspects of herjourney, the good, the bad and the ugly, in the hope that she can inspireothers like her to make changes in their own lives. Berg admits, “embarking inthis journey is really for my kids at the theater, I want them to know they cando anything they set their minds to.”

“There will bedays she does not like me,” laughs Rogers. “But she knows that everything we’ll do will come from the heart,because we care.”

Berg will embarkon her journey with eVOLV Fitness beginning January 2^nd. You can follow her transformation at any ofthe following:

Blog: HYPERLINK"http://www.kristinkberg.blogspot.com" kristinkberg.blogspot.com

Twitter: @kkberg

Website: HYPERLINK"http://www.evolvfitnessnm.com" www.evolvfitnessnm.com

ABOUT eVOLVFITNESS:

eVOLV Fitness isa community where all can feel inspired to better themselves and othersmentally, physically, and emotionally. eVOLV offers a variety of group fitness classes including Body Pump,Body Combat, Cardioboxing, PAINE, Pure Muscles and much more as well as bothtraditional and hot yoga, pilates, and personal training.

Media Contact:

Jennifer McMath

Kesselman-Jones,Inc.

(505)234-1570

jenny@kessjones.com

Most Liberating Thing

2011-12-20T00:55:00.002-07:00

Things are happening, wheels are turning and there is so much to talk about, but I need to make some stuff solid before I go off talking about it all. So in the meantime let's share a photo and a quote from my most favorite actress/who I'd want to play me in a movie Drew Barrymore. She and I are the same height, so I've got that going for me! :)

All the love,
Kristin

The Most Amazing Gift

2011-12-08T00:18:00.001-07:00

So, here I was thinking that today I would be posting a rather depressing blog about how it has been a year since I made these commitments to the universe and didn't uphold my end of the bargain... and while this still may be true I got an amazing gift today from a friend.

My awesome friend Jenny is a personal trainer. She and I are co-workers at my day job and we've always talked casually about me wanting to hire her to be my trainer. Monday night I finally emailed her with what I really wanted to learn and what help I needed from her to be healthy.

Today when I rolled into work she told me she had very exciting news but that I'd have to wait until 5pm. Of course I'm thinking, "Cool, she got me a diet journal or something." But when in reality she was going to make me an offer I couldn't refuse. The chance to change my life.

Jenny is very aware of my crazy lifestyle. When I'm not at our day job, I'm at the theatre, and when I'm at neither of those places I'm usually home asleep. She knew that I need much more help than she as a friend can give me, but she knew of some people who can hold me accountable and move me forward. She passed on my story to some other trainer friends of hers and lo and behold they are willing to work with me for a whole year.

Now, I don't know all of the particulars yet, but I know that I will be meeting soon with the trainers from Evolv Fitness of NM to create a plan to improve my lifestyle.

I felt so incredibly moved and grateful that this woman has faith and cares about me so much to make a strong decision for me. Moved that these people who I don't even know are willing to push me. Moved that so many of you reading this blog have stuck with me through all of my pitfalls and triumphs. So thank you to all of you.

I know I have a huge, overwhelming and difficult road ahead of me. One of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, yet I've never felt so hopeful in my life.

Here's to the Eighth of Onward 2012!

All my love,
Kristin

Creative Outlets

2011-08-05T18:39:00.002-06:00

I obviously have not been keeping up with my goals as much as I've wanted to. Camps and rehearsals, and life and other things have continually been getting in the way. Eh, such is life.

I was thinking on the idea of how creative outlets power your life. Something I thought up the other day. We recently had our fundraiser cabaret for my theatre company. Typically, because everybody wants to perform, I'm stuck up in the tech booth with people bringing me snacks and drinks while I hit the play button on cd players, ipods and computers. Every one would always ask me afterwards, "How come you didn't perform?" This year, my business partner Doug decided that I was going to do an act, no matter what.

I had been thinking off and on for a long time about what I could do as an act. My strongest talent is acting, but doing a monologue for a room full of people isn't the most entertaining. "Oh, I'll read a poem!" I thought... then I talk to a student who says she's going to perform a poem for the cabaret... by Shel Silverstein... which is what I wanted to do... sigh. Okay, I can sing a song with the kid co-host. She was cool, ready to do it, but then I looked at our registrations. She was doing most of the performances with friends. I know it's called The Doug and Lillie Show, but I didn't want it to be just the Lillie show, so I let her know that maybe we could do a song next time. What to do now? Um... I guess I could sing a song... by myself...

WHAT? Those of you who have been in a rehearsal with me know that I have trouble carrying a tune, beside the fact that I haven't sung since I was in the non-revival version of You're a Good Man Charlie Brown in high school. That was singing with others and not by myself. Oh man... So one of the most awesomes of awesomes, Ms. Madi was working with the kiddos in my camp on their music for the show we were working on. I told her my dilemma. She said, "Let's figure out your range!" Figured that out and then she says, oh you could sing "Not for the Life of Me" from Thoroughly Modern Millie. Now, Ms. Madi played Millie in our production last year so I was super surprised when she said that because I never thought in a million years I could sing a song that she could sing. Then she also said I could sing this song called, "I Want to Go to Hollywood." (See video below) Since the cabaret's theme was Hollywood Nights, that would be a perfect choice, so my decision was made.

I was having a tough week, double and triple thinking all of my choices. Feeling like the kids in my camp weren't learning everything from me. Lots a doubt. Not the right week to try to learn a new talent. I asked Doug for help. He made me swallow my own medicine. The things that I preach to the kids all the time, I was now going to have to preach to myself. Make the song my own, make big choices, and act my way into being a singer. I so wanted to sing it like Sutton Foster on the mp3 I downloaded... but I am not Sutton Foster, and was certainly not going to become her in a week. So, I did what I've felt I do best, created a character. What if she was shy, and nerdy, and a little scared. I practiced again and again. Asked for pointers. Got reminded that if your voice is going to crack let it crack big. A week of tearing myself down and then building myself back up again. It was an emotional rollercoaster.

The day of the cabaret comes. In sound check people say what they heard was good. Cool. Still a performance to go. I got dressed, did some great make-up. Felt confident and cute. And then it was time. And I sang it. I sang it with my heart and my character and I felt good about it when it was over. Yes, my voice cracked and I sang bad notes, but it was part of my performance and I owned that. I felt invigorated. I felt like I was walking my talk. AND it felt GREAT to perform again. Being a performer was a big part I had been missing from my life the last couple of years. Challenging myself to learn something new was something I hadn't done in a LONG time. And I'm so thankful I did it. And the applause and kudos from friends and family didn't hurt either. So now, more music must be learned. Can't end this journey I've started.

And that's what I mean when I say creative outlets power your life. They give you the impetus to try new things and grow, and analyze why you've been doing things or why you haven't been doing things. And they make you power hungry for even more ways to express yourself and your thoughts. I miss acting, I miss dancing, I miss writing, and now, I miss singing. I'm not necessarily great at any of them, but I can't be afraid of failing to try. I might learn something about myself in the end.

Now, this girl isn't Sutton either, but she definitely made this song her own. Enjoy I want to go to Hollywood from the musical Grand Hotel.

About a Month

2011-05-10T21:26:00.000-06:00

Well, here we are. Less than 30 days to 30 years old. Still struggling, still stuck, but I feel like there has been a little progress.

So much is happening right now, it's hard to keep track of it all. We opened and closed A Year with Frog and Toad Kids, started rehearsals with a new director/writer for Confessions of a Teenage Spidergirl, preparing for friends Claire and Aileen to come down to do their show How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Lost My Virginity, getting ready for the 5th Annual Duke City Improv Festival, getting back into the swing of going to the gym, buying a new car cause the other one died, working on our 501(c)3 paperwork, helping other people produce their shows, and selling a WHOLE LOTTA TICKETS. You should see my piles of laundry. They need to get washed ASAP.

It's a lot of work for something that at times doesn't feel like it's progressing, getting better, getting closer to becoming a REAL JOB that PAYS MY BILLS. I really love what I do, but I sometimes ask myself, what am I sacrificing for what I love? Are my priorities in the right place?

I know right now my priorities should be about getting healthy, working out, eating right, because what good is having a super successful performance space and youth theatre company if I'm too big to enjoy it all. But checking email, getting to my small job on time, trying to get enough sleep, and putting toilet paper in the bathrooms always seems to get in the way. It's always the little things, right? Don't sweat the small stuff, right?

I know we need to put systems in to place for the theatre. Then we could easily tell someone, this is how to prepare and sell the tickets for the show. We are painting these flats blue, the paint brushes are always over there next to the pens, pencils, tape, scissors and all the other things that always go missing in our space. We need a professional organizer and an accountant.

I've spent most of my life working for other people, and I understand that I am the boss, but sometimes it is so hard to "man up." I rely a lot on Doug to do things, and even a lot of times to tell me what to do, when I know perfectly well what needs to be done. I just need to make some big choices, take charge, and delegate.

Seeing the beautiful and amazing Libby a while back always reminds me that I promised her that we would do a play together. A beautiful play called Stop Kiss by Diana Son. It's a vanity piece for me, casting myself in a role I'd love to play but know I typically wouldn't be cast in. I re-read the script after seeing her and it excited me to move forward to get into shape so I'll feel comfortable changing clothes in front of a theatre full of people. I made her a promise that we'd do the show in a year, and if I'm not ready, I'll give the project up. So, now to hold true to the promise I made to her, to myself and to all of you dear readers. I need to reinvent my toolbox, ask for the help I'm looking for and go onward.

All my love to you guys, and Onward ho!
KB

80 Til 30

2011-03-20T02:36:00.000-06:00

The countdown begins. 80 days until I turn 30 years old. The BIG 3-0. I know that in the grand scheme of things, 30 is nothing. It's a little in a whole world of big. But, partly because I think I'm supposed to, I'm freaking out.

Thirty is the age when you are supposed to be accomplished. Have made some adult movement in your life. Heading towards the life you've always dreamed of. In so many ways, I'm way ahead of the curve on this one. I started my own business with the help of my best friend at the age of 26. I get to make an impact on kids just about every day.

But, there is still this huge part of me who still feels like a lost 16 year old, trying to figure out how to make my way in the world. I always wonder, does that ever go away? Will I ever feel like a strong confident grown-up? And that's when the number 30 rears its ugly head again and says, "Uh, yeah by 30 you should be feeling grown up."

Now, I know that losing the weight is not going to solve my confidence issues overnight. I know there are a lot of other things that go into me being scared to do things. But I know that losing the weight will help. I won't constantly be wondering if people are judging me for what I'm wearing, eating, moving, doing, sitting because of how big I am. Losing the weight will make other things easier too like having energy to do warm up games with the kids, tying my shoes, yoga, fastening a seatbelt, sitting and standing for long periods of time, buying clothing. And being able to tie my shoes without feeling a little winded will definitely be a HUGE confidence boost for me. These things, that are simple and easy for others, are embarrassing to me that I can't do them with grace or ease. You should have no trouble tying your shoes at 30... 50 maybe, but that's because your getting older.

It's looking at 30 that makes you realize that yes, after this, things are not going to get easier, they are going to get harder so you need to have all the basics in place so that when things do get harder, you are ready for them. Your responsibilities become more the older you get, house, mortgage, children, car, insurance, retirement, planning how to still take care of those you love even after you are gone, they are all there staring the 30 year old in the face saying, "It's coming, and you're not ready. You've been spending all of your time and money on silly futile things. I hope you had fun."

And I have had fun, and I still plan on having fun. I think I'll have a lot more fun once I get my life in order and I won't be worrying so much about every little thing. Out of the things I've pledged to myself I haven't really followed through on a lot of it. I need to get a move on. I know all of it doesn't need to be done in the next 80 days, but I have to stop slacking so I won't keep writing this blog. I need to stop putting myself off.

All my love to you, those staring 30 in the face, those that see it coming and can laugh it off for a while longer, and especially to those who have made it through and have lived to tell the tale.

All my best,
KB

Finding My Tribe

2011-03-08T23:15:00.000-07:00

So I was supposed to definitely do an update on February 8th, but when I checked the scale it said I hadn't lost any weight so I wasn't sure if a picture and blog was in order. I don't know if I'm going to make my goal of 88 pounds by December. It seems highly unlikely at this point. I am still going to the gym though! Tech week totally screwed me up and then my whole cast including me got sick which also screwed things up. Oh, AND my purse got stolen from the gym parking lot. Dumb me left it in the car under my coat and they stole it by breaking my window out on the coldest night of the year. Bummer. I'm taking having to replace all my stuff as a sign from the universe that its time to start over and really take charge of everything. Also, to not leave my purse in the car anymore.

I watched this really interesting video from the Ted Talks by Seth Godin about The Tribes We Lead. Here it is embedded here:

In it he talks about people who find each other based on common interests. Now, I know I've got lots of tribes in my life, my Box Kids and Parents Tribe, my Family, and I think other subTribes with in that tribe. But I feel like I've lost my main tribe, the tribe that I can talk to for long hours about theatre, music, books. For me, since college, I've been somewhat lost. Most of my close friends moved on to graduate school or moved to larger cities while I stayed here in Albuquerque and started The Box. And for some reason or another I decided to close myself off to new people. I've always been a bit of a loner, but in recent years I've felt more lonely than anything. Relationships that I once held dear are no longer here, and I often wonder if those relationships that I thought were really close were real at all. Was I kidding myself into thinking that we had a special bond? I've been trying to figure out how to open myself up to others, try to find my tribe again, but telling all the old stories you have to tell in order to feel intimate with someone new... I just don't feel like I have the energy for all that. Reconnecting with old friends seems even harder because it feels like everyone else has moved on, has new close friends and I have just stayed where I am.

I think getting back to my acting roots might help. In our small theatre community in ABQ, people get offered parts in things very often and because I haven't acted in a million years I am always overlooked. I've been thinking about seeing if I can join the Tricklock Incubator at UNM. It would get me thinking about myself creatively again, thinking about making big choices and would allow me to talk about process and things which I seem to be craving. It would also be different than anything I've done before.

I've always felt, and I know I've expressed this to you other ENMUers, that when we were together in Portales there wasn't anything we couldn't do. I miss having that feeling. That feeling of everyone else knowing what you were talking about. Having the same skill set of tools as the person next to you. Of knowing that the people you were working with were just as talented if not more so than yourself. There was some magic that happened with us and I just feel I need to find it again.

This blog has been a long time coming and I feel I may have left some things out as I've been writing this over a few weeks.I hope it makes sense and isn't totally jumbled.

All my best,
KB

The Sharpest Tool

2010-12-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

Been a few weeks since my last posting, and things were off to a great start... and then I got sick! First a cold that hit me hard so I couldn't breathe and then the worst stomach bug in the history of the world. I lost four pounds that week! That was awesome, but of course I wasn't eating so... there's that.

Now that things are mostly back to normal, I'm trying my best to fit everything in. I'm treating my workouts like a job. I have to show up every day, or I don't get paid... I don't know for sure what I'm getting paid IN per se, but I think it's a good plan. The gym finally opened and I really like it. I ride the stationary bike for 30 minutes, and then do weight lifting on a few machines alternating arms and legs. Some of the machines are hard to get in to... they seem like old fashioned torture devices, but once you get in, they work great! I also got some brand new tennis shoes from my mom for Christmas. I went to the New Balance store and they measured my feet and they feel great on. Also, my awful cold sent me into to trying something new, so I bought a neti pot. I really love it and I've felt so much better since I started using it! I also pledged 50 pounds to the Pound For Pound Challenge (http://www.pfpchallenge.com/) so they can help feed people in ABQ at the Roadrunner Food Bank. I hope to put a team together and maybe we can go volunteer there some afternoon.

I wanted to touch a little on all the advice I've been given. It's funny. Most of the things that were suggested in my last blog, I've done, or known about, or signed up for. I've STARTED using my sparkpeople.com account more times than I can remember. There have been a lot of times in my life where i get so wrapped up in documenting the process, I stop doing the process. I've had all these tools at my finger tips. I've read more articles on weight loss than I can count. I've seen plenty of doctors about the nodule on my thyroid only to have them say, "there's nothing we can do." Each time, after every little defeat, feeling like there was nothing I could do. I once did the regular Power 90 workout. I lost about 10 pounds over the course of the program. I was feeling good. Of course once the 90 days were over, everything went back to where it had started. And then some. Auditioning for The Biggest Loser was another huge disappointment. I'm probably one of the most educated fat person about weight loss. I know that I need to burn more calories than I intake in a day and that eating several small meals in a day will boost my metabolism. Drinking water will help me feel more full and flush my body of toxins. My brain is filled with information about how to lose weight. But the tool I think I've always been missing is "motivation."

Right now, I feel the motivation. It's there rearing to go. Its saying all those times before don't matter. We're going to make it this time. We just have to stick to the plan. Oh the plan... The plan that always gets thrown off by some little thing. But we're going to try, me and my motivation. We're going to bust through the road blocks put before us and create new paths where there was none before. I have to take control of my life. It's important. It's time to stop complaining and start being exuberant about the life I lead. I'm such a lucky person. I've got so many things going for me, I can't waste that luck. That tool is here to help me. Any motivating quotes or things of that nature would be a huge help to me. I really appreciate your support.

Love,
KB

P.S. I'm selling AVON now! Check out my online store at http://youravon.com/kberg0184

The Eighth of Onward

2010-12-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

Today is my half birthday. I had this big plan to re-launch this blog earlier today, but it didn't happen. Oh well.

My life hasn't been my life for a while now. I've been letting things just kind of happen to me. Being 6 months away from 30 years old makes you realize some things. I'm not having some crisis about turning 30. I know that I've accomplished a lot in my short life, but I know there are more "regular" things that I should have accomplished, but haven't.

So, it's time. It's time to make a pledge to myself, and to you readers out there, (if there are any) to take charge of my life. I need to be able to take care of myself, financially, physically, emotionally. I've been skating by, but I know I could be doing so much better. If you want to read my detailed pledge list click here.

One of my main goals is to get healthy and lose this weight that is holding me down in so many ways. I know I've said this before, I don't know how many times, but I'm really going for it this time. Already this week I did yoga, and walked 2 miles on my treadmill, which I know for some isn't very much, but for me (who is pretty sedentary) a big deal. I'm hoping to be 88 pounds lighter a year from today. I weighed myself this morning at 278 pounds (how did that happen???). By next December 8th, I will weight 198 pounds. Any thoughts or ideas on how to get me there would be greatly appreciated. I joined the new Planet Fitness location (hasn't opened yet.) I'm going to get some new tennis shoes for Christmas. Pictures will be coming tomorrow to let myself see the progress I've been making. I'm hoping that perhaps some of you will make a pledge of clothing for me for December. 88 pounds is quite a few dress sizes, and it would be great to have something to put on. It would really be a great source of encouragement to me. If you'd like to pledge clothing click here. I also want to see how this can give back to the community, so I'm looking into ways to do that.

Thank you to those of you who have loved, supported, listened, pushed and cared about me all these years. You have no idea how much I appreciate everything you have done for me.

Much love,
Kristin

Thoroughly Modern Millie Jr.

2010-05-10T00:47:00.001-06:00

Now, while this show closed a while back, I still want to talk about it's awesomeness.

"Thoroughly Modern Millie"

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This cast was super duper talented. We had amazing costumes, a great crew, and while the show financially didn't do that great, it was a gigantic artistic success to us. We showed an audience a show they may have never heard of, and may never have gotten the chance to see. For us, that is a reward.

Next up, you'll hear about and see some wonderful pictures from Bugsy Malone Jr. What a big mess this show is! ;)

Big Box Update

2010-01-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been an awfully long time since I've updated this blog, and an awful lot has happened since my last post.

THE BOX MOVED. SEE TOUR BELOW.

Our new space is amazing and such amazing things have been happening since we have made the move over to 2nd and Gold Avenue. We have more space, more support and most importantly, MORE BATHROOMS.

We finished out our 2009 season with Disney's Beauty and the Beast Jr. in the New Space, and all I can say is thank goodness because the cast was huge. The most kids Cardboard Playhouse Productions has ever worked with... ever.

The 2010 Cardboard Playhouse Production Season is full of so much fun. We've decided to go with a gangster theme this year, so we are doing "Thoroughly Modern Millie Jr.," "Bugsy Malone Jr.," "Guys and Dolls Jr.," and "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever."

The Best Christmas Pageant ever holds a very special place in my heart. 10 years ago I assistant directed Pageant at Albuquerque Little Theatre. I made many friends with the kids in this cast and oddly, when I came back from college I was able to reconnect with many of these kids, now all grown up. My mother and my sister were cast in the show, and it was a very defining show for my family. My mother saw all the work that went into putting on a show, and my passion for theatre, and I think she realized that I could actually someday make it my career. I'm so close to making this all a reality. Hopefully by the time Pageant makes it's debut on The Box's stage I'll be able to work at the theatre full time. Wouldn't that be a Christmas miracle?

I miss our old space. It will be weird to see something move into the space that so much magic happened in. I know that magic has followed us to the new space. When it was all empty after we had moved everything out, it was so hard to picture that theatre had ever been there. A theatre that at many times housed about 20 kids and anywhere from 50-60 adults ALL AT THE SAME TIME. It's so small. But it served us so well. Thank you Old Box.

I know this new year holds so many new, wonderful, and magical opportunities for me and the theatre. It's going to be one to remember. Keep an eye out, I really do hope to update this on a more regular basis.

All the love,
Kristin

Nostalgia: Two Years Ago

2009-04-28T21:14:00.000-06:00

I have no idea if people still read my blogs, but hey, this was 2 years ago and I was trying to figure out why I feel badly about myself.

I'm happy to report that while I haven't lost any weight I feel much more confident in my appearance and what I'm doing with my life. In short, I'm happy!

I feel so much more in control of my life now.

So, read the blog below.

The Battle of Fit and Fat; or blogs I write when I should be temping
April 2nd, 2007
Current mood: contemplative
I've been thinking lately about how much of my life has been determined by the two words fit and fat. Mostly, how those two words make me feel about myself. I thought to myself, I should look up these words and find out what they really mean, as opposed to what I think they mean. And for the most part, they are pretty close to what I thought.

Now, there are way to many definitions of both of these words, so I will leave you with some of my favorites.

fit
–adjective 1. adapted or suited; appropriate:
2. proper or becoming:
3. qualified or competent, as for an office or function:
4. prepared or ready:
5. in good physical condition; in good health:

–verb (used with object)
7. to be adapted to or suitable for (a purpose, object, occasion, etc.).
8. to be proper or becoming for.
9. to be of the right size or shape for:
10. to adjust or make conform:

fat
–adjective
1. having too much flabby tissue; corpulent; obese:
2. plump; well-fed:
5. affording good opportunities, esp. for gain:
6. wealthy; prosperous; rich: He
7. big, broad, or extended; thick:
8. plentiful; abundant:
10. dull; stupid: fat clumsiness of manner.
15. fertile, as land: Everything grows in this fat soil.
–noun
18. the richest or best part of anything.
19. obesity; corpulence:
21. an overabundance or excess; superfluity.
22. action or lines in a dramatic part that permit an actor to display abilities.

I'm reading this book right now that talks about how fat isn't a feeling, but for some reason we think it is, because people always say, "I feel so fat today," but what they really mean are so many other things. And that book is right. When I "feel fat," I usually am feeling overwhelmed, unloved, lonely, unworthy, and many other things that make me feel like giving up. But I also feel this way about the word fit.

Either "my clothes don't fit" or "I don't fit in" or "if only I could fit in one more show" or "I'm just having a fit about being fat and not fitting in and not being fit." It all leads to me feeling like I can't handle what's going on in my life. Both words and what they mean makes me scared about what my life will be like if I don't change something, and soon.

I've only told a few people this story about visiting Claire and Matt in San Fran. For people that know, that hilly city is about public transportation and walking. Its the best way to see that city and the people that live there. But for me, I was having such a hard time. Here I was, with three fit people walking the streets of this beautiful city, and I couldn't keep up. I was trying so hard. I tried to not complain, and tried to keep up with conversations, but I couldn't do it. I felt like I was too fat. I couldn't breathe and I hurt. Claire and Matt were really good to me. I think they could tell I was struggling, and would fall back to join me. But I felt so bad. I knew they didn't think any less of me, or anything bad about me, but I felt bad that I couldn't keep up. I felt bad when we got on the trolley cars and they were trying to fit as many people as possible onto the car, and I was taking up too much space. At least for me, that's how it felt.

And now, here I am, having started my new fantastic wonderful great business, and I'm struggling to get this idea of what a new theatre owner should look like out of my head.

You don't have to be fit to run a great business Kristin. You should be happy.

And I am happy with the business. Things are going well, and everyone is so supportive of what Doug and I are doing. But I can't get the "thin" version of me out of my head.

Fel Macias (old department chair of my theatre in college) came by out of the blue to check out The Box the other day. It was so great to see him, to show him around and see that he was proud of me. But this little part of me in the back of my head was concerned with whether or not he realized how much weight I had gained since he saw me last. It's ridiculous.

For me, I realize that I have to stop focusing on what I look like, and more on what I'm doing with my life. It's hard when society places so much emphasis on our looks. I know that I need to take care of myself so I'm healthy and that will help make me happy. I have to forget about fit and fat, and focus on me. What I do defines who I am.

There is one definition that I will take with me today, and oddly for me, it's from the fat list. Fat –noun 18. the richest or best part of anything.

And with that definition I can proudly say, I am fat.

Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack

2009-03-31T18:28:00.000-06:00

Well, time is here again to start the newest show in the 2009 season, Miss Mary Mack. There is a cast of 20 loveable, talented youngsters. There are songs from the 60s.... I think... Build Me Up Buttercup is from the 60s right? There is a storybook that eats children. Sounds good. Sounds like a Box Production for sure.

Still so much to do tonight, on the eve before the first read through. Scripts need to be printed, so Jeff's final version came just in time. Music needs to be uploaded to the website. The final rehearsal schedule needs to be set. I should really get a move on with all this stuff.

It's always so exciting to start a new show, especially an original script, because most of these words are going to be read aloud for the first time, songs sung for the first time. Kids imaginations being opened up to the new possiblity of what a means to act and become a character they've never played before (except for in Lillie and Lauren's case where they will be reprising roles of Leena and Geena). This is one of my favorite moments of running a children's theatre.

I plan on updating this blog more as the show progresses with anecdotes and pictures. I hope you'll follow as we create this new performance piece.

All the love,
Kristin

Summer Camp Dates Set!

2009-03-23T19:52:00.000-06:00

REGISTRATION FORMS TO COME SOON!!! Come have fun with us at The Box this summer!

COMEDY THEATRE CAMP
All Comedy Camps are from 9:00 am- 3:00 pm
June 8th -12th
July 20th - 24th
August 3rd - 7th
Ages 8-15
This camp will include an introduction to "Who's line is it anyway?" style of improvisation, with a focus on quick thinking, give and take, and role playing. Students will work to enhance listening, concentration, teamwork, and creative problem solving through easy to understand, fun improv and theater exercises. They will also learn the fine art of sketch comedy writing. This will be an intense, eductional and fun program requiring the students to write short comic sketches both as group and individual. The sketches will then be workshopped through readings and rehearsals during the week long camp. The final product will be a combination staged reading/performance of the students' sketches performed by the students in the camp.
Tuition: $180.00
Instructors: Doug Montoya and Kristin K. Berg

JUNIOR ACTOR CAMP
June 22nd - 26th
9:00 am- 3:00 pm
Ages 10-14
This fun class is a great introduction to the magic of theatre. The Young actor explores acting through story telling, theatre games and improvisation, scene play as well as voice and movement. This is a wonderful class to build the younger actor's self esteem, by helping them to trust their own unique imagination.
$180.00
Instructor: Kristin K. Berg

Happy Birthday Box!

2009-03-05T21:37:00.000-07:00

Just a few days ago, the Box had it's 2 year anniversary. You've come a long way little box. I'm super proud of all of your accomplishments. Keep up the good work, and someday, you'll be a grown up theatre, just like ALT.

Upgrades and Updates

2009-01-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

I'm going to take a little bit more of a personal note with this blog. Lately, lots of things in my life and in the world have been looking "up." AND, that makes me feel really good and really happy.

First of all, we've got ourselves a new President!
Total upgrade, and it makes me feel so good to know that I'm living in an era that isn't only going to be remembered for destruction, disasters, and terrorism, but is more importantly going to be remembered as an era of PROGRESS. We have come so far as a country in even the last few months that I have faith that we can only get better. Also, I finally feel like we have a President that is MY president and not just some old guy who has no idea what I'm facing as the "future of the nation."

Next up is that Blackout was here all day Sunday helping up make our booth be new and improved. Everything has been re-purposed and is easy to find! It's so organized now that when I go in there I forget I'm in the Box. Now, if we can get our acts together and get the rest of the theatre organized, we'll be set. Thanks so much to you Blackout Guys. We definitely couldn't have done it without you.

PNM finally got it together and HIRED DOUG. Finally. And he got a raise which is super nice, so he doesn't have to worry about work for a while and that makes Doug happy. Thank goodness. See how happy he is!

At my job, (I work at a conference organization company) I got upgraded to my very own office. I was sharing before, which wasn't bad at all, but now I have my own office with a window. When you work in the theatre, you get used to not seeing daylight, but it totally messes with you. It's nice to see the sun now and again. Hey Sun! I want to give you a great big hug!

Finally, next week opens the upgraded version of "Puss in Boots," which has now become an "80's Musical Extravaganza!" Our most talented kids are in the show AND it features everyone's favorite 80's music. Please come see it! It's a blast from the past!

Hope to see you all soon at The Box!
Kristin

New Year, New Season, New Attitude

2008-12-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends!

As 2008 draws to a close I can't help, but think back over the last year of shows. Starting out with Schoolhouse Rock Live Jr. and ending with A Winnie-the-Pooh Christmas Tail, it has been one wild ride this year. A ride filled with fun, love, new friends, financial worries, small arguments, but most of all, what I consider to be the best and most fun children's theatre in Albuquerque.

Picture Time!

This new year brings what I think is our most exciting season yet, with 3 original children's pieces and 4 popular children standbys. I'm excited to revisit our 80s send up of Puss in Boots and to rework it into a musical extravaganza. Jeff Katzman is back with an all new work, which doesn't have Albuquerque in the title... Miss Mary Mack. The most exciting original piece we've got this year is being written by one of our long time students Gigi, Scooby Doo the Roosical. Those fun shows mixed with Disney's Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast (the kid versions of course) and Seussical the Musical Jr AND Roald Dahl's Willy Wonka Jr round out Cardboard Playhouse Productions' season.

Our very exciting big announcement is that we will be bringing in Blackout Theatre Company as our company in residence. They are committing to 2 shows plus more on the horizon this year including David Mamet's Oleanna and Charles Ludlam's Le Bourgeois Avant Garde.

We will continue to offer exciting improv such as The Q: An Improvised Soap Opera, The One Night Stanleys, The Gryffindorks, and The Copyrights as well as having the 3rd Annual Duke City Improv Festival in September.

We've also given a whole new look to our webpage, so take a look at that at.

Love in the time of Melancholy

2008-10-30T13:44:00.000-06:00

Please go support new, exciting work! Tricklock's lastest show, Melancholy Play by Sarah Ruhl, is a funny, quirky show. I really liked it! For me, it brought to light the duality of the things in our life that make us happy and sad. Typically they are the same things. Love, music, flower in the rain, you get the picture. The ensemble is well put together and features 2 of our Stanleys, Nando and Alex. Juli Hendren plays a fantastically stern, but caring lesbian nurse to Dodi Montgomery's head over heels in love hairdresser. Summer Olsson's Tilly is always passionate despite whether she's melancholy or superbly happy. Alex and Nando are fantastic as always playing Tilly's other beaus. The set is a character in itself with lots of bells and whistles which add even more charm to this show. Putting the icing on the cake is beautiful live cello music. Kevin Elder's direction is effortless and fun. I highly reccommend catching this show before it closes. They can't receive formal reviews because it hasn't opened in New York yet, so please spread the word about this fantastic show!

Also! Don't forget that Disney's Sleeping Beauty Kids closes this weekend at The Box. We still have seats available for this Friday and Saturday nights' performances at 7:00 pm. Tickets are only $10.00. We've heard lots of good reviews from our audiences! Plus it has really cute kids in it. Don't make the cute kids sad by not seeing them in the show. :)

Sleeping Beauty Kids!

2008-10-18T15:15:00.000-06:00

Ohmygosh! Have I got the cutest show ever for you! We are opening Disney's Sleeping Beauty Kids on Friday October 24th and it is full of adorable children! Just look at them!

It's got all of your favorite Disney classics, like Once Upon a Dream, and I Wonder, but it's got some great new music too! Maleficient, one of the best Disney villans, has some songs written just for her, and the are FANTASTIC! So come check it out! Oh, and opening night is already SOLD OUT, so make reservations soon!

COMING SOON: Winnie the Pooh Christmas and the announcement of our 2009 Season!

Kids Classes Starting at The Box

2008-10-07T12:11:00.000-06:00

All of these classes are going to be a blast! Now, we just need people to sign up for them...

Level One Comedy Improv for Kids
Ages 8-15
Mondays: 4:00pm to 5:00pm, Oct. 13th - Nov. 17th
6 weeks $60.00 - Instructor: Doug Montoya

Have fun, meet new people and learn to improvise in this fun, low-pressure classes. This six-week Beginning Workshop is designed for anyone and everyone who wants to loosen up, be more spontaneous and learn to take risks on stage and in life. No prior experience necessary.

Each week you'll play games and explore a challenging variety of improv exercises that unleash your natural creativity and humor. HAVE FUN! MEET NEW PEOPLE! The Beginning class is designed for both the newcomer who wants to discover the joy of improv and the novice looking to become a better improviser. This fun, low-pressure class introduces you to the basics of improv. You'll learn vocabulary, gain practical skills and create in a friendly and safe atmosphere.

Audition
Ages 12-18
Tuesdays: 4:00pm to 5:00pm, Oct. 14th - Nov. 18th
6 weeks $60.00 - Instructor: Kristin K. Berg and Doug Montoya

What's the point if you can't get the part? This class looks at what you can do in that audition room that gives you a better chance. We start from the moment you walk in and cover everything through to the ever important last impression. A practical course on auditioning for film, television and stage. This class is grounded in appling improv technics and Michael Shurtleff's audition.

Level Two Comedy Improv for Kids
Ages 8-15
Wednesdays: 4:00pm to 5:00pm,Oct. 15th - Nov. 19th
6 weeks $60.00 - Instructor: Alex Knight
This class explores and heightens the concepts and ideas introduced in Level 1. Emphasis is placed on developing a point of view on stage

Comedy Acting
Ages 12-18
Thursdays: 4:00pm to 5:00pm, Oct. 16th - Nov. 19th
6 weeks $60.00 - Instructor: Heather Yeo
This class will explore techniques for acting in comedies. Students will rehearse and present scenes from the best comedies of the past 500 years, learning the "hows" and "whys" of what makes plays funny and how to get the audience rolling in the aisles. A great chance to improve your acting skills, learn a little history, and most importantly, have a ton of fun!

SML - Comedy Sketch Workshop
Ages 12-18
Saturdays: 10:30am to 12:00pm, Oct. 18th - Nov. 21st
6 weeks $90.00 - Instructor: Heather Yeo
Students will write and star in their own sketch comedy show, in the style of Saturday Night Live or Mad TV. Students will work as a group to create characters and sketches, culminating in a performance of their work. From the braistorming to the performance, this class is a great chance for students to explore the worlds of improv, writing, and acting

Creative Movement
Ages 6-12
Saturdays: 12:30pm to 1:30pm, Oct. 18th - Nov. 21st
6 weeks $90.00 - Instructor: Carolyn Lee
Add another dimension to your acting, improve your dance skills, and have a lot of fun as we explore ways to learn about, create, and communicate with movement!

The Improv Festival Is HERE!

2008-09-11T09:59:00.000-06:00

Photo by Tina Larkin of the Alibi

Links to awesome articles about the 2nd Annual Duke City Improv Festival at The Box, starting tomorrow!

From the Alibi (we are the feature story!)
Sacred Cows Beware

From the Daily Lobo
Improv festival offers multitude of acts - Culture

I hope to see friends out at The Box this weekend for what's sure to be a fantastic time!

Love ya,
Kristin

Breaking Out of The Box

2008-07-21T16:05:00.000-06:00

Well, a lot has happened since my little tour of The Box. We opened Albuquerque vs. The Flying Saucers which had a terrific run. We actually were dark for a whole month. We got to see other shows and spend some weekend nights with our families. It was nice.

On the 4th of July we opened The Music Man Jr. which had a completely sold out run. We even had a benefit performance for The American Red Cross, to support the Disaster Relief Fund and we were able to raise over $500.00 for them. Music Man featured 20 of Albuquerque's most talented young actors ranging in ages from 6 to 16. We mostly had a lot of new kids in this production, and it was great exposing these new kids to our improv based training. Their costumes were absolutely amazing too! I was extremely pleased with how the whole show turned out, as well as how all of the kids became really great friends on the production. Some of them are inseperable now!

Also, we had another run of The One Night Stanleys. This time their last show had over 70 people in attendence and then as a special surprise the improv group Unitard performed. They hadn't done a show together in over a year, but it was like they had been performing together every day since. It was a fantastic way to end their 4 week run. I'm hoping they will all be performing at the Duke City Improv Festival in September. We are still looking for acts if anyone is interested!

The last bit of amazing exciting news I have is that our landlord (who is awesome and comes to all of our shows) came an saw The Music Man Jr. and was amazed at how many people we had in our building and also the quality of the production. He told Doug, "That's it, we're going to have to renovate." He's already called an architect who has come in and looked at the building and is figuring out what our best options are. It looks like, from what we've talked about, the architect's best idea is that we add a second story to the building. We would have offices, a classroom/rehearsal space and a patio, plus an elevator added to the building plus renovations downstairs to add more seating, and a little snack bar to sell hot dogs and frozen custard. We are also moving forward on getting our 501(c)3 non-profit status so we can apply for grants and quit our job jobs and run the theatre full time. It's all really exciting and kind of feels like a dream. I just hope it all turns out how we're hoping.

That's all for now!

Kristin

Take a Tour of the Box!

2008-04-22T22:08:00.000-06:00

Enjoy your tour of The Box Performance Space!

Blind Dates and One Night Stans

2008-03-22T22:57:00.000-06:00

We just started a four week run of our fabulous improv team, "The One Night Stanleys." These are 4 of the most talented improvisors I've ever seen. Joe, Steve, Alex and Nando are funny and talented and quick on their feet. They do their version of an Armando, which is where they pick some one from the audience and interview them about their day and take their suggestions from that. Tonight centered around a girls 21st birthday and her annoying loud family members, which always good for an improv show.

Usually the comedy team, Blackout, (who are fabulous!) opens for The Stanleys but tonight was a special treat for our audience. Mark Chavez of the Pajama Men and Kevin Elder of Tricklock Theatre opened for them. We had no idea what they were going to do, but when they pulled two girls out of the audience, I knew something crazy was about to happen. They took these two girls on an improvised Blind Date. They took a walk on the beach, had dinner, nice conversation and all the time, these poor girls had no idea what was going on, but went along for the ride.

What a great night. We had a fantastic audience and a great show. Sadly, this show will never be performed again, but they are performing for the next 3 weekends and you should come check them out!

Until next time!

Allow me to introduce myself...

2008-03-17T10:43:00.000-06:00

Hi! My name is Kristin, I live in Albuquerque, and I own The Box Performance Space with my business partner and friend Doug. We just had our one year anniversary. We specialize in children's theatre (for us meaning theatre by kids for kids) and comedic improv, both long form and short form. And just to make it even more confusing, lets throw the occaisional adult scripted show in there as well. I am a director, producer, and an actor.

We just closed "Laughing Wild" by Christopher Durang and it did very well by me, creatively. Financially on the other hand, it made budget, which is nice. I had two really talented actors in this show, Heather and Blake. They worked really hard and deserved bigger audiences. That is a goal of ours to figure out why and how to not have that happen for future shows.

We just had auditions for an original piece (and it's also a karaoke musical) called "Albuquerque vs. The Flying Saucers," written by a local author based on his grandfather's script for "Earth vs. The Flying Saucers." This was by far one of the largest auditions for an original piece I had ever seen. 33 extremely talented children walked through our door. It was so hard to cast this show. Tonight is the first read through and I'm excited to see all the kids working together. We have a lot of our regulars back again, but some new faces and it's always fun to see the kids make new friends.

When I got involved in theatre in high school, I realized at some point that this was my calling and I wanted to own my own theatre someday. I never thought it would be a children's theatre, but I am very happy that it is. Bringing the joy of theatre to youth is really rewarding and reminds me every day why I love what I do.

Hopefully, the purpose of this blog is to give updates on shows and serve as kind of a history of the space that I can look back at on our 20th anniversary and say, "Wow, we've done so much."

Happy reading! and All the love.
Kristin