I obviously have not been keeping up with my goals as much as I've wanted to. Camps and rehearsals, and life and other things have continually been getting in the way. Eh, such is life.
I was thinking on the idea of how creative outlets power your life. Something I thought up the other day. We recently had our fundraiser cabaret for my theatre company. Typically, because everybody wants to perform, I'm stuck up in the tech booth with people bringing me snacks and drinks while I hit the play button on cd players, ipods and computers. Every one would always ask me afterwards, "How come you didn't perform?" This year, my business partner Doug decided that I was going to do an act, no matter what.
I had been thinking off and on for a long time about what I could do as an act. My strongest talent is acting, but doing a monologue for a room full of people isn't the most entertaining. "Oh, I'll read a poem!" I thought... then I talk to a student who says she's going to perform a poem for the cabaret... by Shel Silverstein... which is what I wanted to do... sigh. Okay, I can sing a song with the kid co-host. She was cool, ready to do it, but then I looked at our registrations. She was doing most of the performances with friends. I know it's called The Doug and Lillie Show, but I didn't want it to be just the Lillie show, so I let her know that maybe we could do a song next time. What to do now? Um... I guess I could sing a song... by myself...
WHAT? Those of you who have been in a rehearsal with me know that I have trouble carrying a tune, beside the fact that I haven't sung since I was in the non-revival version of You're a Good Man Charlie Brown in high school. That was singing with others and not by myself. Oh man... So one of the most awesomes of awesomes, Ms. Madi was working with the kiddos in my camp on their music for the show we were working on. I told her my dilemma. She said, "Let's figure out your range!" Figured that out and then she says, oh you could sing "Not for the Life of Me" from Thoroughly Modern Millie. Now, Ms. Madi played Millie in our production last year so I was super surprised when she said that because I never thought in a million years I could sing a song that she could sing. Then she also said I could sing this song called, "I Want to Go to Hollywood." (See video below) Since the cabaret's theme was Hollywood Nights, that would be a perfect choice, so my decision was made.
I was having a tough week, double and triple thinking all of my choices. Feeling like the kids in my camp weren't learning everything from me. Lots a doubt. Not the right week to try to learn a new talent. I asked Doug for help. He made me swallow my own medicine. The things that I preach to the kids all the time, I was now going to have to preach to myself. Make the song my own, make big choices, and act my way into being a singer. I so wanted to sing it like Sutton Foster on the mp3 I downloaded... but I am not Sutton Foster, and was certainly not going to become her in a week. So, I did what I've felt I do best, created a character. What if she was shy, and nerdy, and a little scared. I practiced again and again. Asked for pointers. Got reminded that if your voice is going to crack let it crack big. A week of tearing myself down and then building myself back up again. It was an emotional rollercoaster.
The day of the cabaret comes. In sound check people say what they heard was good. Cool. Still a performance to go. I got dressed, did some great make-up. Felt confident and cute. And then it was time. And I sang it. I sang it with my heart and my character and I felt good about it when it was over. Yes, my voice cracked and I sang bad notes, but it was part of my performance and I owned that. I felt invigorated. I felt like I was walking my talk. AND it felt GREAT to perform again. Being a performer was a big part I had been missing from my life the last couple of years. Challenging myself to learn something new was something I hadn't done in a LONG time. And I'm so thankful I did it. And the applause and kudos from friends and family didn't hurt either. So now, more music must be learned. Can't end this journey I've started.
And that's what I mean when I say creative outlets power your life. They give you the impetus to try new things and grow, and analyze why you've been doing things or why you haven't been doing things. And they make you power hungry for even more ways to express yourself and your thoughts. I miss acting, I miss dancing, I miss writing, and now, I miss singing. I'm not necessarily great at any of them, but I can't be afraid of failing to try. I might learn something about myself in the end.
Now, this girl isn't Sutton either, but she definitely made this song her own. Enjoy I want to go to Hollywood from the musical Grand Hotel.
