Nostalgia: Two Years Ago

I have no idea if people still read my blogs, but hey, this was 2 years ago and I was trying to figure out why I feel badly about myself.

I'm happy to report that while I haven't lost any weight I feel much more confident in my appearance and what I'm doing with my life. In short, I'm happy!

I feel so much more in control of my life now.

So, read the blog below.

The Battle of Fit and Fat; or blogs I write when I should be temping
April 2nd, 2007
Current mood: contemplative
I've been thinking lately about how much of my life has been determined by the two words fit and fat. Mostly, how those two words make me feel about myself. I thought to myself, I should look up these words and find out what they really mean, as opposed to what I think they mean. And for the most part, they are pretty close to what I thought.

Now, there are way to many definitions of both of these words, so I will leave you with some of my favorites.

fit
–adjective 1. adapted or suited; appropriate:
2. proper or becoming:
3. qualified or competent, as for an office or function:
4. prepared or ready:
5. in good physical condition; in good health:

–verb (used with object)
7. to be adapted to or suitable for (a purpose, object, occasion, etc.).
8. to be proper or becoming for.
9. to be of the right size or shape for:
10. to adjust or make conform:

fat
–adjective
1. having too much flabby tissue; corpulent; obese:
2. plump; well-fed:
5. affording good opportunities, esp. for gain:
6. wealthy; prosperous; rich: He
7. big, broad, or extended; thick:
8. plentiful; abundant:
10. dull; stupid: fat clumsiness of manner.
15. fertile, as land: Everything grows in this fat soil.
–noun
18. the richest or best part of anything.
19. obesity; corpulence:
21. an overabundance or excess; superfluity.
22. action or lines in a dramatic part that permit an actor to display abilities.

I'm reading this book right now that talks about how fat isn't a feeling, but for some reason we think it is, because people always say, "I feel so fat today," but what they really mean are so many other things. And that book is right. When I "feel fat," I usually am feeling overwhelmed, unloved, lonely, unworthy, and many other things that make me feel like giving up. But I also feel this way about the word fit.

Either "my clothes don't fit" or "I don't fit in" or "if only I could fit in one more show" or "I'm just having a fit about being fat and not fitting in and not being fit." It all leads to me feeling like I can't handle what's going on in my life. Both words and what they mean makes me scared about what my life will be like if I don't change something, and soon.

I've only told a few people this story about visiting Claire and Matt in San Fran. For people that know, that hilly city is about public transportation and walking. Its the best way to see that city and the people that live there. But for me, I was having such a hard time. Here I was, with three fit people walking the streets of this beautiful city, and I couldn't keep up. I was trying so hard. I tried to not complain, and tried to keep up with conversations, but I couldn't do it. I felt like I was too fat. I couldn't breathe and I hurt. Claire and Matt were really good to me. I think they could tell I was struggling, and would fall back to join me. But I felt so bad. I knew they didn't think any less of me, or anything bad about me, but I felt bad that I couldn't keep up. I felt bad when we got on the trolley cars and they were trying to fit as many people as possible onto the car, and I was taking up too much space. At least for me, that's how it felt.

And now, here I am, having started my new fantastic wonderful great business, and I'm struggling to get this idea of what a new theatre owner should look like out of my head.

You don't have to be fit to run a great business Kristin. You should be happy.

And I am happy with the business. Things are going well, and everyone is so supportive of what Doug and I are doing. But I can't get the "thin" version of me out of my head.

Fel Macias (old department chair of my theatre in college) came by out of the blue to check out The Box the other day. It was so great to see him, to show him around and see that he was proud of me. But this little part of me in the back of my head was concerned with whether or not he realized how much weight I had gained since he saw me last. It's ridiculous.

For me, I realize that I have to stop focusing on what I look like, and more on what I'm doing with my life. It's hard when society places so much emphasis on our looks. I know that I need to take care of myself so I'm healthy and that will help make me happy. I have to forget about fit and fat, and focus on me. What I do defines who I am.

There is one definition that I will take with me today, and oddly for me, it's from the fat list. Fat –noun 18. the richest or best part of anything.

And with that definition I can proudly say, I am fat.

Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack

Well, time is here again to start the newest show in the 2009 season, Miss Mary Mack. There is a cast of 20 loveable, talented youngsters. There are songs from the 60s.... I think... Build Me Up Buttercup is from the 60s right? There is a storybook that eats children. Sounds good. Sounds like a Box Production for sure.

Still so much to do tonight, on the eve before the first read through. Scripts need to be printed, so Jeff's final version came just in time. Music needs to be uploaded to the website. The final rehearsal schedule needs to be set. I should really get a move on with all this stuff.

It's always so exciting to start a new show, especially an original script, because most of these words are going to be read aloud for the first time, songs sung for the first time. Kids imaginations being opened up to the new possiblity of what a means to act and become a character they've never played before (except for in Lillie and Lauren's case where they will be reprising roles of Leena and Geena). This is one of my favorite moments of running a children's theatre.

I plan on updating this blog more as the show progresses with anecdotes and pictures. I hope you'll follow as we create this new performance piece.

All the love,
Kristin

Summer Camp Dates Set!

REGISTRATION FORMS TO COME SOON!!! Come have fun with us at The Box this summer!

COMEDY THEATRE CAMP
All Comedy Camps are from 9:00 am- 3:00 pm
June 8th -12th
July 20th - 24th
August 3rd - 7th
Ages 8-15
This camp will include an introduction to "Who's line is it anyway?" style of improvisation, with a focus on quick thinking, give and take, and role playing. Students will work to enhance listening, concentration, teamwork, and creative problem solving through easy to understand, fun improv and theater exercises. They will also learn the fine art of sketch comedy writing. This will be an intense, eductional and fun program requiring the students to write short comic sketches both as group and individual. The sketches will then be workshopped through readings and rehearsals during the week long camp. The final product will be a combination staged reading/performance of the students' sketches performed by the students in the camp.
Tuition: $180.00
Instructors: Doug Montoya and Kristin K. Berg

JUNIOR ACTOR CAMP
June 22nd - 26th
9:00 am- 3:00 pm
Ages 10-14
This fun class is a great introduction to the magic of theatre. The Young actor explores acting through story telling, theatre games and improvisation, scene play as well as voice and movement. This is a wonderful class to build the younger actor's self esteem, by helping them to trust their own unique imagination.
$180.00
Instructor: Kristin K. Berg

Happy Birthday Box!

Just a few days ago, the Box had it's 2 year anniversary. You've come a long way little box. I'm super proud of all of your accomplishments. Keep up the good work, and someday, you'll be a grown up theatre, just like ALT.

Upgrades and Updates

I'm going to take a little bit more of a personal note with this blog. Lately, lots of things in my life and in the world have been looking "up." AND, that makes me feel really good and really happy.

First of all, we've got ourselves a new President!
Total upgrade, and it makes me feel so good to know that I'm living in an era that isn't only going to be remembered for destruction, disasters, and terrorism, but is more importantly going to be remembered as an era of PROGRESS. We have come so far as a country in even the last few months that I have faith that we can only get better. Also, I finally feel like we have a President that is MY president and not just some old guy who has no idea what I'm facing as the "future of the nation."

Next up is that Blackout was here all day Sunday helping up make our booth be new and improved. Everything has been re-purposed and is easy to find! It's so organized now that when I go in there I forget I'm in the Box. Now, if we can get our acts together and get the rest of the theatre organized, we'll be set. Thanks so much to you Blackout Guys. We definitely couldn't have done it without you.

PNM finally got it together and HIRED DOUG. Finally. And he got a raise which is super nice, so he doesn't have to worry about work for a while and that makes Doug happy. Thank goodness. See how happy he is!

At my job, (I work at a conference organization company) I got upgraded to my very own office. I was sharing before, which wasn't bad at all, but now I have my own office with a window. When you work in the theatre, you get used to not seeing daylight, but it totally messes with you. It's nice to see the sun now and again. Hey Sun! I want to give you a great big hug!

Finally, next week opens the upgraded version of "Puss in Boots," which has now become an "80's Musical Extravaganza!" Our most talented kids are in the show AND it features everyone's favorite 80's music. Please come see it! It's a blast from the past!

Hope to see you all soon at The Box!
Kristin