Resolve Again

Well, here we are at the changing of another year. I could recount my victories, mini and otherwise, but you can read the archives for that.

I could go over all the things that I want to achieve in the next year, but I think those things should stay private for now.

What I will say is that I am proud of what I accomplished this year. It was a tough year, and I know that 2013 will throw more and some of the same obstacles in my way, but I feel better about overcoming those things this time around.

Being lost in this great big world is scary and exciting. Growth comes from being lost and finding/creating parts of yourself along the way. I rediscovered parts of my soul this year, and opened up new ones which I greatly value.

My greatest wish is for all of us to discover something this year that makes us truly and abundantly happy and joyful.

All the love and Happy New Year,
Kristin

Short

Thinking about cutting all my hair off and donating to locks of love. Don't know if I could pull off a short look. Something kind of pixie/faux hawky?
I think it would make yoga even more awesome for me. My hair sheds a lot and it's super gross in a hot class. Sweaty and covered with hair is not a great combination.
Thoughts?
Also any thoughts out there on my last post?
All the love,
Kristin

Fear and Reflection: a Vlog

Charlie's video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_56nx3eHK4c&feature=share&list=UUmQXOAse-VnzuXHebX5I77g

John's/Hank's video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGmAekTPD5c&feature=share&list=UUGaVdbSav8xWuFWTadK6loA

I know I owe you all a month of blogs. I'm sorry I've been slacking. Thoughts still pondering, but I will post soon.

All the love,
Kristin

Dear in the Headlights

Dear Readers,

I've been really busy working on stuff for the theatre. Good things in the works.

Still been going to yoga. Still loving it.

Lots more to do.

Also, sleep.

All the love,
Kristin

Numbers

Preliminary budget meetings are difficult.

Don't let anyone tell you different.

What I do like about it is the planning for the future part. That's pretty awesome.

All the love,
Kristin

Review

Nothing like paging through over 100 blog posts to find one sentence that you wrote earlier in the year to remind you of your journey so far. I've come a long way. I know I still have a long way to go, but I do feel stronger both mentally and physically.

Yes, I've been injured and gotten sick a lot this year. I've missed a lot of classes. I've had lots of trouble sleeping. I've had trouble following my meal plan. I've enjoyed a lot of classes. I've enjoyed meeting new people. I've accomplished things that I never thought I'd be able to accomplish in my life.

I've really been enjoying my yoga classes for the last few weeks. I know I've mentioned this before. I'm really getting into the affirmations of each pose and the talking about chakras. I've started looking into chakra healing and what not. It's really interesting to me. An online test said that 5 out of 7 of my chakras were weak or closed. And strangely enough, where those chakras are located, is where I carry most of my weight. I've started really looking into Law of Attraction studies and The Secret. I think there is a lot emotionally I don't actually deal with in my life. I hold stuff in because for a lot of my life, I've been the positive one, the sunshine girl, the peacemaker, and the girl who has a great smile and gives the best hugs.

No one wants a hug from someone who is angry or sad or depressed. And boy, do I love giving and getting hugs.

The Law of Attraction stuff says that if you haven't forgiven someone for a pain or a hurt that they've caused you, that is where your deficits lie. Your weight gain or lack of money or unhappiness is directly related to the fact that you haven't let a bad thing go. You don't have to say it was a good thing, but you have accept what happened as a part of your life. That it made you who you are today. And that who you are today is amazing and deserving of good things.

For me, this is the hardest hurdle. To know that I deserve good things... and not only do I deserve them, but I deserve them before giving good things to anybody else. While making other people happy makes me happy, I forget to take care of myself while I'm taking care of them. And with that am I really doing them any favors?

Anyway, this are the current thoughts. I'm in a good place. I think the yoga (although it can be REALLY hard) is putting me in a happy place, and looking into the spirituality of it really has my brain thinking about things.

We're at 42 pounds gone folks. 12 weeks to go.

All the love,
Kristin

Just Another Day

Good Yoga

Good Meetings

Good Rehearsal

Now for some good sleep.

All the love,
Kristin

More Adventuring

The movie that I was cast in back in August was finally filming this past weekend. I've been super excited about it, but since it's been such a long wait, I had kind of forgotten about it, but then I got my call sheet (it's what they send you to tell you when to come to set) Friday night and it was suddenly all very real.

I got up early Saturday morning, got dressed, and drove up the JW Eaves Ranch just outside of Santa Fe. It's were they filmed Blazing Saddles. It's an old west town set with a saloon and a jail. All that good stuff. Met a couple of the other actors on the film and then was sent over to wardrobe to try on costumes. They decided that this big blue dress, which was pretty impossible to walk around a dusty set in, was Mrs. Whitmore's style. Then I went over to hair and make-up and got a Mary Todd Lincoln style 'do.

Finally got to go on set to do my scene. They got my wide shot and my close-ups in two takes. That made me happy that they didn't feel like they needed to shoot it a bunch of times. They also wanted me to be at the hanging (of the character that I accused of murder) but they didn't get to it on Saturday, so I got to go back on Sunday. It was a lot of fun being on set with a bunch of actors walking around in period costumes on this old west set. I definitely enjoyed my experience and I'm looking forward to more chances of being an actor.

What is funny to me about this style of dress is that the women wore corsets to make their waists slimmer, but then they put on a bunch of petticoats under their skirts to make them more full, and in essence make their waists bigger again. I swear, there is an additional 2-4 inches of fabric between me and that dress. Crazy.

Also, I had to wear heels for 2 days. I tried to sit as much as possible, but it wasn't always an option in the 2 days I was on set. So my feet hurt, but I'm hoping that they will mend quickly. I've been doing some epson salt foot baths at night after stretching my feet out.

After many months of holding steady at 35 pounds (which I'm happy I didn't gain any weight back over those months!) I can now say that I've lost a grand total of 40 pounds! Yay! Now I know I'm not going to make my weight goal by the end of this year, but I think I've still accomplished a lot.

I'm also really enjoying my yoga classes. I've also started looking into chakras, and how to get things in alignment. It's all really interesting to me. Who knows? Maybe someday I'll be a yoga instructor? :)

Anyway, it was a good weekend. Hope yours was good too.

All the love,

Kristin

Bullies Beware

This woman is awesome. Just remember that you don't know anyone's situation or their habits or their health problems just by looking at them.

Also, it's so important to stand up for yourself and those that you love.

All the love,
Kristin

When you speak too soon

My left foot is hurting again! What the heck?! It comes and goes, but when it comes it's sharp stinging pain. Ugh.

In other news, yoga was great today and taught by new yoga teacher, Tiana. And she even said she thinks I've improved since I started back in January. Yay!

Well, sleep time.

All the love,
Kristin

Feet Are Made for Walking

My feet are finally starting to feel better. I'm not in so much pain in the morning any more, so hopefully by the end of this week with some more yoga I'll be feeling better.

Off to sleep so I'm ready to attack this week.

All the love,
Kristin

Sweet

It's a good feeling to leave a workout covered in sweat, knowing that you did your best in class. Sufficed to say that Hot Yoga is going well. I've been feeling great after each class and not at all defeated like I sometimes do after a cardio class.

The affirmations are nice. Knowing what each position is doing to help my body is nice. I'd have to say I'm pretty "in like" with yoga.

Here's to the start of a beautiful friendship.

All the love,
Kristin

When you feel icky

When you feel sick, and work out a lot, and are generally busy you have days where you just feel icky and gross. Then add your monthly visitor to the mix and then it's all downhill. Nothing is worse than feeling so icky.

Then you take a shower and clip your nails and put your hair up into something other than a ponytail and you start to feel human again, that it is okay to be seen in public.

Then you get a complement that you are looking good and you look like you've lost weight and then the day suddenly get significantly better.

All the love,
Kristin

The Update

On Friday I went to urgent care and waited about 2 hours to been seen by a doctor. He sent me for X-rays for my feet. Definitely have Plantar Fasciitis, and a Heel Spur. The doctor seems to think that since it's been hurting for 2 weeks it should take 2 weeks to start feeling better and gave me a list of some stretches.

Been taking yoga for the last 2 days and I think my feet are actually starting to feel better.

My congestion is clearing up too.

If things keep going this way I should be back to normal by the end of next week!

Here's to hoping!

All the love,
Kristin

Going to the Doctor

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow morning. My ears are feeling a lot of pressure and my feet are still hurting. It's time. Thinking it's a sinus infection and hoping for some amoxicillan.

Here's to getting better!

All the love,
Kristin

Sick, But Standing

My congested nose has now turned into an awful cough, so I know I'm in the homestretch of whatever this is! Yay!

I tried Trinity Hot Yoga this afternoon with Jen and it was awesome. My only complaint is that it wasn't longer! After taking 75 and 90 minute yoga classes in that hot room, 60 minutes seems like nothing.

My feet are still hurting, but I think doing the reclining hero position broke up some stuff. Might do it for a little longer tonight before going to bed. I'm no where close to getting even this far down, but someday!

And we're on to the next show at The Box. Had auditions tonight for Cardboard Playhouse Theatre Company's Vampire Hamburger. It's going to be a really fun show.

That's all in my world. See you tomorrow!

All the love,
Kristin

Sick of Being Sick

Plantar Fasciitis is still wreaking havoc with my feet. And of course right on schedule with a big show closing I have come down with a nasty cold. Ugh. Not being able to breathe or have pressure on my feet for long periods of time is not the best way to keep in this game.

I'm trying to do my best to take care of myself, drink plenty of liquids, vitamins, get lots of sleep. I'm starting to feel better, and hopefully by Wednesday I'll be able to go back to the gym.

Still looking for a part time job. I did a phone interview with the Verizon call center, but they are so crazy strict about their scheduling (which I totally understand in that line of work) it would just never work out for running the theatre. Guess I just need to keep looking.

How have you all been?

All the love,
Kristin

Asleep at My Post

I fell asleep sitting on the couch last night, computer in lap. Totally didn't make it to writing a blog last night. I must have been REALLY tired.

My feet are still hurting, so CJ suggested I go to yoga this morning. I think for the most part it helped, but while I was in Warrior II I felt some major pain in my left foot, so I came out of the pose and drank some water. All in all it was a successful class. I'm glad I went.

It's hard to stay off your feet when there is so much going on. We are having to move the theatre's MASSIVE costume collection out of our current storage into a new place. That was most of last weekend and some of this week. We still have some more to do, but we are nearing the end of it all. My advice for if you ever start a theatre, get a gigantic warehouse before you start so you've got a place to keep the gazillions of things people donate and you collect over the years. I swear, there are costumes that I don't think I've ever seen on a kid, but I'm sure they'll be used at some point.

It's the LAST WEEKEND of Little Shop of Horrors. I hope that you'll come out and see it. I also think it's probably going to sell out all performances, so if you are planning on coming get tickets ASAP or come really early to the Box Office to ensure your seats.

It's time to put my feet up for the evening. Hope you all are doing great.

All the love,
Kristin

I Need a Job & New Feet

My feet are still in pain. Wilton has told me to ride the bike at my apartment tomorrow and stay off my feet as much as possible.

I'm also looking for a part time job. Anybody hiring? Here's my resume.

Send me an email at kristin.k.berg@gmail.com if you have any openings you think I might be good for.

Best wishes in all of your endeavors!

All the love,
Kristin

Ouch

Pain. So much pain.

My feet have been killing me. We moved about 1/2 of our stuff out of our storage space into our new storage space for the theatre's costumes and props. Two days of boxing stuff up and loading them in cars and then walking them up stairs and hanging stuff up on racks. And then doing shows on top of that.

For the last week, the heels of my feet, my left foot in particular has been in a lot of pain. Add that moving on top of that and I could barely walk this morning. I called Wilton and he agreed that I should rest my feet.

I got another set of inserts for my shoes, because the others weren't giving enough support. I will attempt PAINE tomorrow. Hopefully, I won't be in more pain after PAINE. Rachel thinks it's Plantar Faciatis. Any tips?

Well, it's bedtime.

All the love,
Kristin

Little Shop

Great workout today.

Great Pay What You Can Performance tonight. I'm super proud of Little Shop of Horrors! Come see this show. Here's how you can get tickets. www.theboxabq.com.

It was a super long today and I most definitely need a shower, so I'm off.

All my love,
Kristin

HOPE

Caught a little of the Democratic National Convention tonight. What an exciting time we live in. So much hope in the world.

I don't normally get in to politics. I think it's a personal thing and should be kept personal, like one's religion. But what I will say is that I'm excited that we are living in a time where we are actually seriously talking about giving every single person the freedom to declare their love and commitment to whomever they want.

Good workout today in Body Combat. Met my weight loss goal for CJ today. Down to 251.2 pounds which brings our grand total of weight lost to 37 pounds. That's pretty amazing. Hopefully by next week we will be in the 240s. Gotta make these last 4 months count.

Thank you again to everyone for their support and cheering me on. I'm back on track.

All the love,
Kristin

Upon a Star

Source: weheartit.com via Khel on Pinterest

I wish for lots of things.... like calorie free donuts. That's a silly wish, I know. But a lot of my other wishes I need for them to come true soon.

I wish for the strength to make the changes I need to make to live a fuller life.

I wish to make it through all of my workouts.

I wish for consistency in my life.

I wish for knowing my purpose.

I wish for guidance.

I wish to learn from my mistakes.

I wish to grow.

I wish for patience and love and caring for the people that are important in my life.

I wish to stop being so stubborn, spoiled, selfish and self-centered.

I wish to be organized and how to ask for help.

I wish for success in what I love doing.

I wish for more focused hours during the day.

I wish for restful sleep in the night.

I wish to not take everything so seriously.

I wish to know when to hold my tongue.

I wish for love and trust and respect.

That's some of what I wish. I hope your wishes are granted soon.

All the love,
Kristin

You Can Do It

Sometimes you just have to put your brain in another place in order to accomplish a goal or a task. I met with Wilton on Friday for personal training and let him know I was exhausted and stressed out. Opening a show can take a lot out of person...as well as the rest of my amazing company, but more on that later. We went for our usual walk around my elementary school (which has changed so much!) and down by the ditch the runs along the back side of the school. As we neared San Pedro, Wilton stopped. I knew what was up. It was time to do The Hill again.

I immediately began to panic. My head started to go to all of its fears of falling. But I knew that I had done it once before. I could do it again, but that I needed a moment. To quote High School Musical, I needed to get "My Head in the Game."

I focused on this hole in the ditch, I think it's a place where a gutter runs to to get the water into the ditch. Just kept my eyes on this. Didn't think about anything else except that hole. And what do you know? I was able to climb up and down the hill 10 times on Friday. Whoo!

After that I had a million errands to run before our show. Lots of last minute things that needed to be finished. Then cleaning like crazy. Normally on these nights I'm one of the last ones to get ready. I usually have some sort of breakdown and then people send me home to get dressed. This time we had about 30 minutes before people were going to start showing up and I told my stage manager I was going home and I would be back soon. Caught myself before the breakdown happened. That was good. And things moved forward without me.

Opening night was a technical disaster. I have to preface this by saying that my actors are AMAZING and they roll with the punches so well and really had great performances Friday night. It also helps having an amazing audience. Technically though, so many problems. Set pieces falling apart, computer programs failing, songs not playing all the way through and last but not least our Big Audrey II started to come apart just as it was time to eat people. But we got through the show and most people in the audience had no idea that there were any problems. I really credit that to my company. My actors and technicians are amazing and just keep moving forward.

Saturday night still had some glitches, but was much better although we had a quiet audience. It's hard to perform for people who are scared to laugh in front of others. Everyone I talked to though enjoyed the show, so I know they liked it.

Sunday was the best though! Great audience reactions, Pretty much technically perfect, and again AMAZING performances.

Today I went to Shock, came home to do laundry and promptly fell asleep on my couch. I slept a lot today. It was really nice.

Check out this video my business partner and voice of Audrey II made! Come see our show! It is really fun and entertaining. I'm very proud of it!

Live in 3, 2, 1

I was on TV today. Here's the link to the vid.
http://www.kasa.com/dpp/nm_style/features/little-shop-of-horrors-at-the-cardboard-playhouse

Had a pretty good rehearsal tonight and we're going to have a GREAT opening night tomorrow. Still a lot to get done tonight, so I better get moving.

All the love,
Kristin

100

Happy 100 blog posts!

Had an exhausting, but good day today.

Good work out.

Good meeting with CJ.

I'm now looking for a set of hard drives that appear to have wandered off of their own. Ugh.

I'll be on TV in the morning at 8 am on Kasa Fox 2. Tune in!

All the love,
Kristin

Being a Girl

Can be great most of the time, but not when your "Aunt Flo" comes to visit. Working out when you're on your period SUCKS. But I went and did Hardcore, PAINE, and my personal training with Rachel anyway. It was tough, but I finished.

I had a meeting with the director of the movie I was cast in today in Santa Fe. I met him at the ranch where they shot Blazing Saddles, which is where we are going to be filming. Met the director of photography and rehearsed my scene a couple of times. It was pretty awesome. Then when I left, I made a wrong turn somewhere and ended up on NM Scenic Byway Hwy 14..... and had to drive through Madrid, San Antonito, and Cedar Crest. It was beautiful, but a long way home.

Had a great rehearsal tonight for Little Shop of Horrors. Got a lot of the kinks worked out.

I'm taking some aleve and heading to bed.

All the love,
Kristin

Feed me, Krellborn

Good workout today.

LOOOOOOONNNNG rehearsal tonight.

Come see our show. It's going to be good.

I'm going to bed.

All the love,
Kristin

... and pulse.

SO

MANY

CRUNCHES.

Will I sure be sore tomorrow.

(Thanks Wilton)

Goodnight friends!

All the love,
Kristin

Onward.... again.

Short version of today. Went to class. Had talk with CJ and Wilton. Had to decide whether to quit or continue, but recommit myself to the program. Spent a long day thinking, crying, thinking, being sad, thinking, and then finally deciding to recommit.

Going onward. I have to go to sleep now so I'll make it to hardcore at 9:05 am. Anyone else coming with me?

All the love,
Kristin

Wilted

Today my pre-made salad I bought so I could eat healthy, but quickly since I had a busy schedule today was gross. It had a funny smell when I opened it up, but the lettuce still "looked" okay. Everything else looked okay too, so I dove into it. After about 15 bites.... something just didn't taste right. I took a look at the date stamp on the bottom. August 16th. I bought it on the 19th. The grocery store SHOULD have pulled it on the 17th. Looks like I'll be checking all dates I buy from the new Lowe's. If I happen to die because I ate old lettuce, you'll know why.

Had PAINE today. It was tough as usual, but one cool thing, I was able to get up from the ground today by pushing off of my knee instead of the floor. Haven't been able to do that in a long while. Whoo!

That's all the news that's fit to print today.

All the love,
Kristin

Best Laid Plans

Pretty good day.

Went grocery shopping last night at the NEW AND IMPROVED Lowe's Supermarket on 12th and Lomas. It's WAY nicer than it used to be, and I even think the service has gotten better. One of my biggest complaints before they remodeled was that their service was crap. My parents' own a grocery store, and I know how customers should be treated, and the people at Lowe's didn't seem to know how to do that. But it seems the the store got a facelift, and so did the staff. The selection is awesome now too. Got some really great yummy and healthy items for this week.

Had a nice rehearsal for Little Shop of Horrors tonight. (You all need to get your tickets NOW!) Opening night is going to have this really awesome party with food and drink and hanging out and talking and getting to watch the show and so much fun for $25.00. You should totally come then.

It's funny how one person can change the whole feel of something. We had a sub for CJ today in Shock, and while she was still great (she really really was!) the class didn't have the intensity and energy that it normally does. That class is CJ.... and CJ is the class. It was still a good class, but because he wasn't there, I felt like I didn't get out of it what I normally do even though everything was just the same. I think we all take on CJ's energy and intensity when he's teaching and it pushes us harder.

That's all for today!

All the love,
Kristin

Lots o' Likes

Today was a great day.

Good breakfast.

Good workout at the gym. Wilton even said it was a good one. I really tried to focus on my form. I really tried not to compare myself to anyone else's workout. I have to concentrate on me and what I can do.

I got cast in a movie! I found out yesterday that the director's of the film Emancipation really liked my audition on Thursday and want me for the role of Mrs. Whitmore. So nice and exciting. It will shoot in October in Santa Fe. It's a "long short film," and the script is about 30 pages. I'm not sure about anything else about it, but that it's a western set in Colorado before the civil war. I posted this great news on my facebook wall and I am genuinely surprised and pleased by the outpouring of support from my friends and family. It's so exciting.

My sister shared my blog today. She's never done that before. I love her so much. SHE is an inspiration to me daily. She is super confident, is an amazing dresser, always has amazing hair and makeup and from what I know, doesn't let anybody give her any grief about anything. She is funny and lovely and loves all different kinds of music and is a great mediator and a great friend and the best sister and friend I could have ever gotten. I'm moved and floored and honored that she considers me an inspiration. I can't say enough how much I love her.

We had a fundraiser for Cardboard Playhouse Theatre Company tonight at Dublin's Street Pub. It was an amazing turnout! It feels nice to have so much support, especially from the people who aren't even involved in our current production of Little Shop of Horrors.

Had a good interview with a journalist from the Albuquerque Journal for a preview article about Little Shop too. I think it will be a good article!

So, it was a busy and fulfilling day. Another tomorrow!

All the love,
Kristin

Back to School

There has been much thinking going on in my head lately. Thinking a lot about how to be true to myself and to others and this project.

I've been stuck in the same 4 pound rotation since March of this year. That is frustrating to say the least. I also can say that I have not stuck to my "diet." I've missed a lot of workouts. Some because I was injured. Some because I was busy. Some because I slept through them. Some because I just plain didn't want to go.

It's hard to be accountable to so many people. I just wanted to hide. I wanted to rebel. I want to do things for me, because I want to do them, not because I was told I had to. I know I sound like a pouty 4 year old girl.... and that's okay, because that's how I feel.

I've recently come across a lot of websites and blogs about the "Healthy at Any Size" movement. Dances With Fat is a blogger who is an amazing dancer, and is heavy, and is seeking acceptance for her size. She talks about how doctors telling us to lose weight to be healthy can be a myth. There are plenty of people who are slim who have heart attacks, and cancer and other issues with their health. I would say just as many as their are overweight people with the same problems. When I had my blood tested recently, everything came back in the "normal" range, with the exception of my cholesterol. It was only up a few points. I'm sure now if I were to check it out it would come back as normal.  So, if you were to just look at my blood work, and not my weight, you would say, this person is healthy. Just looking at me though, no numbers. Most people would just assume that I'm not healthy. While I don't agree with everything "danceswithfat" says in her blog, I find a lot of what she has to say interesting.

One of my goals from before, and now, is to Be Kristin. To be true to me. As much as I always wanted to learn how to play the guitar, I even bought one, I realized that I will never actually learn how to play the guitar. If it was REALLY important to me I would make it happen. And here I am, missing workouts, not following my eating plan.... and wondering, "Is this weight loss really important to me? Wouldn't I be making it happen if it was?" I don't know the answer to these questions yet. Am I being true to myself with my goals? Do I really care if I can run or jog a mile without stopping? Honestly, not really. Would it be cool if I could do that? Sure. Through this journey I have already discovered the amazing things my body and my mind can do. I can flip a tire. I can climb up and down a ditch ravine. I can do lots of kettlebell exercises and throw lots of punches and kicks in my cardio classes. I can do a downward dog in 105 degree heat with 60% humidity. I can do all of those things at the weight I am now. What is amazing and exciting is the things I could do weighing less.

Yet for some reason I'm having trouble committing to everything. To making a plan and sticking to it. One of the things that "danceswithfat" has said in her blog that had really resounded with me is, "Have you ever had something that you hated: a purse, some shoes, a knick-knack that was a gift from someone? Did you take good care if it? Were you inspired to dust it and polish it and keep it beautiful. Me neither."

I feel like that's me with my body. I'm not inspired to take care of it. I'm slowly finding the value in the things it can do, but I don't love it, like I love my necklace with all the metal feathers on it. I make sure it goes in a safe place every night when I take it off so I know where to find it the next day. I have trouble appreciating the things I can do, and knowing that if I take care of myself, I can do even more. I have to accept myself as I am now, so I can take care of myself  now, so I can become the person who I want to be. That person is already inside me, but I need her to come out.

Spoke with Wilton tonight on the phone. I know that I'm winging a lot of what I'm doing right now, but I do have to say that when I was following the eating plan, I was pretty miserable. I don't know if I'm a good planner. I don't know if I'm someone who will ever look at food as just fuel for my system. I do relate a lot of things back to food. Joy, celebration, spending time with those that you love. I also know that I can emotionally eat too. I can feel upset and alone, or frustrated or angry, and not knowing how to explain how I'm feeling, or not being able to express myself because of so many things I instead eat a candy bar, or grab a soda. That problem in the moment, momentarily solved.

I feel like I wasn't totally heard tonight. I want to figure out how to love who I am and the shape I am now. I am emotionally struggling with how I feel about everything. I truly do feel that no one should hate their body, yet I do. I truly feel that we should love people for who they are, and not what they look like, but I have been known to judge a person on occasion for what they are wearing or how they look. I feel like I'm torn between my ideals and how I really am. I know that I want to change things in my life, but are they for the right reasons? Some of them seem so shallow and stupid.

I've always been someone who people have described as smart. Gifted program in school. Scored well on tests. Pretty great grade point average. Started a theatre. None of these achievements have ever come from something that I have physically done. And maybe that is where my value system is skewed or needs to be retooled. It's never been important to me to run faster than someone else, or do more chin ups, or worked out for hours on end. When I was going to Planet Fitness to work out before, I always felt like my workouts were such a waste of time. Sure I lost some weight, but I could have been writing a play, or putting together a project, or writing an email... my brain was bummed it wasn't being used.

I feel like I'm meandering now in this blog. I'm trying to figure stuff out. I want to stay true to myself, but also really go after those things that are important in my life. So, how do I make those things that aren't normal in my life, like following a plan, going grocery shopping, going to bed early, going to workouts every day, being organized etc. become Kristin? That's what I'm trying to figure out. I've done all of these things for more than 30 days. They aren't habits yet. What do I do now?

Lots of questions, no real answers or solutions. I guess that's all for tonight.

All the love,
Kristin

Just want you to know...

There is a lot of thinking going on over here.

More to come.

Source: Uploaded by user via Kristin on Pinterest

The Old Switcheroo

Boy, am I glad last week was over. Managing class, then gym, then rehearsal, then other work really took it out of me. I was exhausted.

I'm happy to report that I got some sleep and I'm back to my old schedule of classes in the morning.

The one great thing about last week was that I had to get up early to make it to let kids in the building, so I'm hoping that waking up early thing will stick around a while longer.

Had a great cardio class today with Wilton (CJ was out for shock) and then some personal training with Rachel. Did 150 kettlebell swings at I think 25lbs interspersed with 30 full sit-ups. I was tired and sweaty and gross today. It was good.

I'm trying out some new things, that are currently secret and will talk about them if they work out. I will say that so far, it's helped.

It's so mysterious isn't it? You want to know more now don't you?

You'll have to wait.

All the love,
Kristin

Upside Down

I'm teaching a Comedy Camp in the morning this week so I've been taking class at eVolv in the evening. It's totally weird. The energy is even different. Not a bad or a good different, just different. However it's been nice have a a change of pace.

Rehearsals for the new show are going great. I'm so excited to go postering with them tomorrow. If anybody wants to sponsor our show or make a donation to Cardboard Playhouse Theatre Company, we are a 501(c)3 Non profit organization and you can send me a message if you'd like some more information. It's going to be a really great show and we'd love for you to be a part of it!

That's all for tonight. So tired!

All the love,
Kristin

The Daily Love

Today's whole The Daily Love email is super inspiring. I thought I'd share it here. You can always click over to their website by clicking on the name. I definitely recommend subscribing to his daily email. I hope some of these words resonate with you as they have with me. The words in here always find me at just the right time.

All the love,
Kristin

Top Ten Rules for Being Human 

Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.

Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons are specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.

Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgment - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.

Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.

Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.

Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.

Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.

Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.

Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.

Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.

- Cherie Carter-Scott. Scott is an author, life coach, and motivational speaker offers consulting and coaching on all aspects of change management.


MASTIN'SDAILYDOWNLOAD

As things have begun to expand with TDL, one thing that I have been SUPER present to is the idea that we truly ask for what we believe we deserve. Many of us (myself included) have gotten really good on just getting by. But we don't know too much about thriving - about what it would take to live life at the highest level of ourselves.

When we live life at this level, we become more of who we really are and then we have more to give away to those we love and to the world.

We've gotten so good on getting by with the least amount of sleep, or happiness, or energy, or fulfillment, or joy or connection that we have forgotten what it truly means to THRIVE. And more often then not, if someone we know is attempting to THRIVE, we will tend to keep them down, or tell them they are full of themselves, selfish or egotistical because they are trying to improve themselves and THRIVE.

It's true that we rise to the level of our tribe. Or, we tend to become as successful as the people we spend the most amount of time with. I believe raising our standards from survival to THRIVING is something that we MUST do, especially if we want to live our dream life.

How much sleep do you actually need? How much time to yourself to you need? How much exercise? What kind of food fuels you for success? What skills do you need to learn? What mentors do you need? Oh, and here's a BIG one... WHERE do you need to live to make your dreams come true? Proximity is power!

And the environment we spend our time in will determine how we turn out. If you want to be a successful actor, it's probably not going to happen in Kansas. Just like being a successful farmer won't happen in Downtown, L.A. Whatever your passion is, WHERE are the people that are already doing that? Do you have the COURAGE to PUT YOURSELF in that environment?

Here's another BIG one for thriving. Who do you have to begin saying NO to? We feel bad for saying no.

I just had a dream come true and signed a book deal with Hay House (very excited!). And I am moving (very excited). And I'm going to Europe for two weeks at the end of July to film a web series (very excited). All these things mean I have to up my NO game.

But remember, the bigger the NO, the bigger the YES. Don't feel bad saying no to certain things or people so that you can say YES to your dreams!

Can you give yourself permission to thrive? What is it you need to THRIVE and not just survive? Think about it and get busy making this life come true for you. Your dreams are counting on it!

Leave a comment and let me know!

Love,

Mastin

The Pinch

Today in PAINE I hurt my shoulder. I pinched a muscle or something. It hurts like heck if I put any pressure on it. I took some Advil and have been trying not to do too much with it.

It's one of those things where you don't realize how much you use something until you hurt it. Getting out of the car was the worst.

I've also been super productive and got lots of pre-production done for our next show. If you're friends with me on facebook you should start to see lots of cool marketing showing up. I hope you'll join us in September for the production. It's going to be so amazingly awesome.

I even shared my set idea with Doug and he didn't think it was so totally stupid! I even prefaced the idea by saying it was going to be stupid. (Like my crazy stupid ideas I get at 2am when I can't sleep that end up turning into amazing ideas.)

Other than the pain in my shoulder it was a pretty great day. I even got some compliments on my rules of owning a scale. Although, now that Wilton knows I have a scale he might be taking it from me. I swear I only weigh myself twice a week tops!

Well, that's all for today.

All the love,
Kristin

Kristin's Rules for Owning a Scale

These are my own rules and they are designed to be a little funny. I hope that this makes you laugh... or smirk a little bit.

1. Never weigh yourself on 2 consecutive days. Whether it goes up or down, you'll never be happy with the results.

2. Always use the toilet first, then weigh in.

3. Never weigh in after a holiday or long weekend or right after you've attended a party.

4. Always weigh in in the morning, preferably after a hot yoga class.

5. Sometimes the light tap to get it to turn on is never enough. I prefer the hard stomp.

6. If possible, remove all clothing including hair bands, socks, jewelry before stepping on scale.

7. Does holding your breath make you weigh more, less, or the same? I know that's not really a rule, but a variable I'm experimenting with.

8. Closing your eyes while waiting for the digital read out to finish always results in a surprise!  Although sometimes it's not a happy one.

9. Round down.

10. Don't buy a scale if you are going to be neurotic about what the read out says and then write a silly list of rules on how to use it.

One day at a time.

All my love,
Kristin

Iron

Had BodyPump today and I tried to push myself a little bit more than usual today. Added a little bit more weight here and there. Tried to push past the burn. Pretty good workout.

I've just become a personal assistant for my friend, make-up artist, and wonderful actress Rebekah Wiggins. It's a few hours every week, but it's doing cool things like building this website for her. What do you think? Did I do an okay job? It's a blogger site and it's just the bones so far, but it's easy for what she needs right now. She's going to be offering a really awesome make-up workshop in September. I'll keep you updated as it gets closer.

Also, I was able to start working out some partnership ideas with a nearby restaurant for The Box. Super exciting!

A good day.

All the love,
Kristin

Fireworks Made Up of Giggles

Sometimes as I'm working I come up with some of the stupidest ideas... or the cheesiest marketing phrases.

Tonight's status for The Box said, "Another BIG weekend coming up! Celebrate our freedom by laughing a whole bunch. It's like fireworks made up of giggles!The Show Friday and Saturday at 9pm and The One Night Stanleys Saturday at 8 pm. Late Night Saturday, Broad Humor has stand up heading your way! www.theboxabq.com"

It's like fireworks made up of giggles? Really? It amuses me. So funny.

Gym was good today... I was late to PAINE, but still had a good workout. Tomorrow is the big Independence Day celebration at eVOLV. I registered for Sacred Music and Zumba for tomorrow. Then there are supposed to be root beer floats.... we'll see about that. ;)

It's exciting to be a part of this community. Getting love and hugs and compliments and motivation from everyone every step of the way. Tomorrow will be a fun celebration.

All the love,
Kristin

Clean

Mulan has closed. We had auditions for our next show, but we are still working out the casting for it, and so no rehearsals quite yet. There is still plenty to do, but for the first time in a VERY long time I had a Sunday completely to myself.

I went to hot yoga, where my friend Tabatha came to take her first class at eVOLV. It was really nice having someone that I know in class with me. We didn't even have mats next to each other but it was nice to know that she was there. Then I had brunch with my sister. It was nice to catch up. We really hadn't spent any time with each other in quite some time. Then I went home, I took a nap. I got up and took a shower, washed some clothes and proceeded to clean my apartment.

I know that I've had time to clean my apartment prior to Sunday, but I was always so tired and there is something about having this extended break that reminds me that there are things I better take care of now before things get crazy busy again.

I still have the living room to finish up, but the bedroom, bathroom and kitchen are clean and organized.

It's very weird to see the floor of my bedroom. I don't think I've seen the floor since I moved in 6 months ago.

And now with the rain, things are finally being washed away. Things are getting the chance to start over again.

Workouts were pretty good today and I was able to take care of a few things at The Box today too.

Source: google.com via Kristin on Pinterest

All in all, a good day.

All the love,
Kristin

Walk Like a Zombie

My legs are dead.

My thighs are soooooooo sore.

It's all Wilton and Rachel's fault.

(Thanks guys)

Sleep time soon.

All the love,
Kristin

Shall We Go Adventuring?

I just got out of seeing Wes Anderson's new movie "Moonrise Kingdom." It's a charming, quirky, darkly comedic film, and like Wes Anderson's other movies; it's not for everyone. What strikes me most about this film are the two leads going out into the world to have an adventure. No fear about what is going to happen, but going out into the world to experience things on their own. Which left me thinking in the end, "Do kids have adventures anymore?"

The movie takes place in 1965, and I know a lot has changed since then. The world is not as safe as it used to be. Gosh, even myself growing up in the 80's would yell that I was going to the park, hop on my bike with a couple of my friends and go out riding until the streetlights turned on. Every summer day was an adventure. Are there parents who let there kids go wander the streets until dusk anymore? I don't know for sure.

We just closed Mulan Jr. (to many awesome full crowds at the South Broadway Cultural Center) another story about a girl who decides to no only defend her father, but to go on an adventure of her own. She's not sure what will happen in the end, but she knows that this is the decision she must make.

Am I suggesting that kids run away from home or join the army dressed in drag? Nah. I just wonder, do we sometimes protect them too much and perhaps steal those chances for deep personal growth that one can really only have on adventure?

I'm on an intense adventure right now. So intense that I've had to spend some time away from this blog to really think about how the last couple of weeks have impacted how I feel about things. I still don't have many answers, but enough cognitive thoughts to string some of them together. When this all started, this "fitness" journey I didn't know what was going to lie ahead, but I knew this was the decision I must make. I knew there would be scary physical things that I would have to do (like burpees!) but I wasn't prepared at that point for the litany of emotions I was going to be facing. The first few weeks there were just lots of tears as my body was releasing a lot of pent up emotions. And then... just two weeks ago... Wilton presented a mind over matter challenge called "The Hill."

The Hill isn't really a hill. It's a cement ditchbank that's right around the corner of eVOLV. If you've seen a ditchbank in ABQ, you know that they are pretty steep and if you've known me for the past 10 years, you know that I'm afraid of heights. I don't know if it's so much being afraid of heights, but more of a fear of falling and getting hurt. At any rate, Wilton told me he wanted me to go down the hill and then climb back up it. He knew that this was more of a mental challenge for me, but that he promised that nothing was going to happen to me. The first time we went down he stood in front and held my hands so I could use him for support. It took some coaxing, but I made it down and up in one piece. The second time he said he was there if I needed his help, but he wasn't going to hold on. My nerves were starting to get to me here. But knowing he was there for support was what kept me going. Right before the third trip Wilton tells me that this time he'll be in front of me, but he doesn't want me to touch him for support at all. And my mind goes into overdrive of all the things that are going to go wrong. We spend the next 15-20 minutes of me crying and him telling me I can do it and me telling him no freaking way and then him telling me he's going to have to call and cancel his next client if I don't do this soon. My feet felt like they were super glued to the top of that ditch. Just as I would go to step off and try my heart would pound and the tears would come up again.

And suddenly a weird calmness came over me... I'm not sure what it was.

In college I played a character named Popeye Jackson in a show called "The Miss Firecracker Contest." In the show I had to climb up an 8 foot "telephone" pole and then climb across a tent that was essentially built like a big hammock.

It's one of the scariest things I had ever done, but somehow, with the help of Popeye, I was able to get over that fear and climb that pole every night for about 2 weeks. Even after a rehearsal where the back batten dropped about 6 inches I was still able to climb that pole ever night.

I think I was able to summon her again that day on the hill. Popeye wasn't scared about climbing a circus tent. She wasn't really scared about what people thought of her either. In some schools of theatre we talk about how each of us have aspects of the characters we play within ourselves. Popeye was also shy and a little socially awkward. That's where I knew she and I had characteristics in common.

But I'm starting to understand more and more though that if she had that strength to not have fear to climb a pole and to be herself and I was able to convey those aspects of her, then I carry those characteristics myself.

So "Popeye" took over that day on the Hill and I was able to climb down (with the help of Wilton commanding each of my feet forward) and I made it to the bottom in one piece. Wilton says we'll be doing t again, and that makes me feel very anxious, but the other night I had a dream where I ran down a ditch bank and it just happened so fast that I know I'll be able to get there.

It's adventures like these where we are able to show our true character, to find out who we are and what we want out of our lives. I was always a very cautious child... and I wonder had I been more adventurous as a kid, would I be facing these same trials now? We'll never know for sure. I am thankful though to have such amazing support on this adventure though. Even though I was having a huge mental breakdown on the side of a ditch on a Friday morning in early June, I still had someone who was willing to catch me and I knew a group of people, who even though they didn't know that that was what I was doing at that exact moment, were rooting me on to go down that hill.

In conclusion, go on an adventure this summer either with someone you love or by yourself. It will always be worth it, no matter what the outcome.

All the love,
Kristin

All in the Timing

Well, my 31st birthday has come and gone and along with it there are some amazing milestones.

When we started this whole journey, I was over 50% body fat. The little machine Jenny had to check my body fat percentage couldn't even read it I had so much body fat. Then in April when we checked again I was down to 43%... I think. Then, on my birthday Wilton checked on my percentage again. This time with calipers. Dang, those things hurt. I'm now proud to say that I'm at 38% body fat. That's a lot to have lost in 6 months.

That's right, we are at the halfway point. Argh! Six months to go.

I cooked my food for this week, what felt like the first time in months... which is probably true. I have to make that shopping and cooking a priority. It's super important and not knowing what I'm going to eat is causing me stress, which is also keeping the weight on.

With Rachel on Monday, I completed a total of 250 kettlebell reps. My shoulders are so sore now. Also I have a couple of bruises from them bumping in to me because I wasn't controlling them enough. Visualizing how to make all of that better.

Today in PAINE Wilton gave us a fitness challenge. I know the numbers are for us, but I think it's important to share them with you. We had ten activities and a minute to do each of them and see how many we could complete in a minute. We had a minute rest in between each set. After we completed all ten activities Wilton told us that he was going to mentally challenge us. We were going to do the 10 activities again, but this time we had to try to beat our previous number. I was so tired after having done the first set, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do the second, but I did! And on most of the activities I matched or beat my original number. Here they are.

1. Burpees (which I hate!)  8 first round    6 second round
2. Push ups                       15 first round  20 second round
3. Jump Squats                 22                   29
4. Sit Ups                         17                   24
5. Power Jacks                 19                   22
6. Dips                             14                   18
7. Pop Ups                       24                   27
8. High-Low Planks          9                     11
9. Jump Lunges                 24                   24
10. Plank Jumps                10                  13

I should mention that I did everything at level one, so those of you going out there to try these exercises can find your level and try it yourself.

I have to say that I'm pretty proud of myself for what I've accomplished in the last couple of days. I even cried a little today at the end of class.

I think 31 is going to be a good year. I definitely feel like I'm in the right place at the right time.

All the love,
Kristin

I'll Be There For You

In the past few years I've been holding my cards close to my chest.

I've made friends, but very few of them are close. I still consider those friends from high school and college (who I rarely see or talk to) my closest or best friends.

I had gotten to a point where I was sick of telling those stories about myself. Those sad, embarrassing stories about yourself that you tell when you're getting to know someone, that intimacy you have to share with people as you get to know one another so you know that you can trust each other with your feelings and your deep dark secrets.

Recently though, and especially with the amazing people I've been meeting at eVOLV, I've been feeling myself wanting to get to know these people more; and I know with that comes sharing those stories. And I think for the first time in a long time I'm starting to feel ready to share those stories again. They are such a far away part of my past that it doesn't feel so close or sad or embarrassing anymore.

It's time to lay the cards on the table and show the world my hand.

So in the next few days, months, and years if you feel that I'm oversharing; know that you're someone I'm trusting my stories to.

In the fitness world, gym was good today. Body Combat went well and Zumba was fun as always. Looking forward to Body Pump tomorrow.

All the love,
Kristin

Thoughts

Lots of things have been happening, and I've been trying to go to sleep at night rather than spend hours on the computer trying to write my blog and staring at Facebook instead, but I haven't written in a long time, so a blog for you lovely readers and cheerleaders.

1. I have ankles again!
2. My legs are muscle-y.
3. I wore dresses 2 days this past weekend and didn't feel uncomfortable. (I did wear some short leggings underneath though!)
4. I had a moment of clarity in PAINE last week where I remembered that when I started this whole process I couldn't even do a mountain climber or a plank. It was almost impossible to lift my hips off the ground, I was so heavy. Now, they are still hard to do, but I can do them! Still working on form, but that will get there.
5. I have muscles in my arms!
6. Zumba is super fun, but AWESOMELY fun when Erin and Jennifer are in class.
7. I'm looking forward to Jennifer's NIA class in July!
8. We got asked to be on the After After Party with Steven Michael Quezada to talk about The Box and filmed it tonight. Some of the members of The Show got to do improv on there too. I'll let you guys know when it airs!
9. I finished writing the first scene of my play last week. It feels a little heavy handed, but it's a first draft and will hopefully get better.
10. I haven't lost any weight in about a month. I know a lot of it is because I haven't really been eating right, but I also have still been seeing changes in my body, so I'm hoping that some of that is because I've been rocking some serious muscle!
11. Phase 3 of the workout regime will begin soon. I should be getting my schedule from Wilton tomorrow.
12. I interviewed for a job today. It was short, but I felt it went well. I should hear something by the end of the week.
13. I'm getting a haircut tomorrow!
14. The 6th Annual Duke City Improv Festival is this weekend! You all should come. Seriously.
15. It's my 31st Birthday on Friday! Also another reason why you should come to the improv festival and wish me a Happy Birthday.

I guess that's all for now.

All the love,
Kristin

Hold me closer...

I'd really love it if Zach Galifinakis would interpret my blog. Then it would be hilarious. This was my first introduction to Zach. Way before the Hangover movies. Such a funny dude.

I've choreographed tons of songs in my head. This song being one of them. I used to dance a lot when I was a kid.  I was in Junior Jazzercise. We'd perform at the mall, and at parks, and at Cliff's before they turned that stage into the entrance for The Rattler. I loved it. I think it's where my love of performing really came from.

Sometime around mid-school, because that's when all kids start to lose themselves sadly, I stopped taking classes. My sister still took classes, but for some reason I just wasn't interested any more.

In college, I took quite a few dance classes. Modern Dance, Movement Improvisation, Dances for Theatrical Use... like from different cultures or something, Laban Movement Analysis, Tap, and Intro to Dance. I really did take Intro to Dance in like the second or third year of taking dance classes. I fulfilled a requirement of some sort. I think in the end I was about 2 or 3 classes away from having dance as a minor. We were required as theatre students to audition for the dance shows every semester. I would always put on the back of my audition form, "please do not cast."

I regret this a bit now. I look back and think that it probably would have been a lot of fun to be in a dance show. But I think more than anything I was scared of being the "big girl" in the dance show. There was a time when I had heard the dance instructor at the time yell at a girl, who as pretty fit, to "suck in her gut" during a really beautiful modern piece. I so didn't want anyone yelling that at me.

I'd like to start dancing again. I'm still scared of being the "big girl" but it's some of the only exercise I actually enjoy doing. There's emotional connection there, connecting the body with the brain. I just found out that on Mondays and Wednesdays at noon at eVolv they have Zumba now! I'm going to see if I can add that on to my schedule for those days. I think it would be good to move again.

And perhaps some day you'll see my choreography for this song. I'm not promising it will be good or anything, but it certainly rocks in my head.

All the love,
Kristin

Depth Perception

Anybody who wears glasses knows that when you first try on or wear them for the first time in a long time, your depth perception is shot for at least a couple of minutes. Things seem way taller or shorter than they actually are. Trying to do a step workout while wearing glasses is difficult.

My eye infection is better,  yay! So tomorrow I get to go to my regular optometrist and get my annual check up, which according to their records I haven't done since 2007. I don't know if that's true, but it seems likely. And then it will be back to contact lenses for me! But I vow to take better care of my eyes and wear my glasses more often to get some oxygen to my eyeballs.

Also, tomorrow in the morning I'll be getting a look at my headshots that Frank Frost took. I'm super excited to see them as it is the next step into getting all of my ducks in a row to be represented by Applause Talent Agency. Should be awesome.

Wilton and I are talking about my schedule, how to make it work so perhaps I'll get some more sleep. I'm putting stress on my body by not getting enough sleep. So you may see some changes to my routine in the next few days. Shall be good. Time to shake things up a bit.

Well, I'm falling asleep on the couch with the fingers poised on the keys, so I'm going to take that has a cue to hit the hay.

All the love,
Kristin

Feeling Thirteen

Wearing glasses make my eyes hurt. They have to work so much harder to see things than they do when they wear contact lenses... and that makes them sleepy.
Doing hot yoga while wearing glasses, especially when you aren't used to wearing glasses is difficult.
Feeling insecure and nerdy, and like you are thirteen all over again is not the best feeling. But it's a great reminder about how much I've grown since then and also the things that haven't changed for me in my life since then.
It's one of those things where you wonder, why haven't I changed those things? Surely I have found strength to change?

This was how my blog was starting out tonight... Then I saw this video. I have it easy compared to this guy. If he can do it, so can I!

 Also, check out this preview:
 

These journeys are hard, but what counts is that we get back up again when we fall.

Be inspired. Change those old habits, push towards what you want and be the awesome you that is in there just yelling to be told yes.

All the love,
Kristin

Drops

I really gotta get my act together. I got some really great advice from friends on facebook about becoming a morning person. And then lo and behold, Real Simple makes a post this afternoon about the very thing. What are the odds? You can read about becoming a morning person HERE.

I got an eye infection. Went to the doctor's today. They said it was probably from wearing my contact lenses for too long. I do this... put things that are important, like going to the eye doctor, off for a long time because "I'm too busy." And now my poor left eye is sick. I have to put these drops in my eye 3 times a day for the next 5 days. Hopefully it will clear up easily and quickly. In the mean time I have to wear my glasses. The last time I wore my glasses on a regular basis was when I was about 13. So, whenever I wear my glasses now, I feel 13 again.

Anyway, hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things, back into a routine and get back on the ball.

All the love,
Kristin

Wakey Wakey, Eggs and Bac-y!

I am NOT a morning person.

I know this theme has been explored before, but it is being explored again because I can't seem to break this routine in my life.

As a kid I would stay up all night reading. I would pretend to be asleep when my mom got up in the middle of the night to check on me. Apparently I sucked at fake sleeping, cause more times than not she would catch me in my silly lie. And of course it was hard to get up in the morning.

High school was no different. Up late doing homework after rehearsal got out... also, so I could watch Late Night with Conan O'Brien. He's the best. So funny. Stupid Jay Leno. Anyway... also hard to get up in the morning.

In college I was SO VERY EXCITED to get to choose my own schedule. I picked classes that started at 10:00 am so I wouldn't have to get up early in the morning. But even then there were times that I would sleep through my alarm and not make it in to my late morning class because I'd been up all night studying, watching TV, hanging out at the computer lab (later, working at the computer lab which closed at 3:00 am), and thinking up the next best creative ideas with my very amazing college friends.

Now, I'm a grown up... about to be 31 and I'm still having trouble getting in to a routine where I get up before 8:00 am so I can start the day. I've just never been a morning person. About 1:00 in the afternoon I start getting into my groove. I start having some energy, and by the time most everybody else is sleeping, my creative juices are flowing with ideas. The trouble with this... no one is awake to hear them. And sometimes, because the idea occurred at 2:00 in the morning, it maybe wasn't the best idea.

I have tried many things. Setting multiple alarms. Setting alarms on opposite sides of the room. Changing the tone of the alarm. Going to bed early. Drinking tea. Mornings just aren't for me.

Unfortunately for me, mornings are for just about everybody else. And since I like to be around people and get things done I've got to figure out how to be out and about in the morning. Any advice from any of my fellow non-morning people?

I guess I should also hit the hay, so I can make it to the gym in the morning.

All the love,
Kristin

Celebration of Women

For the last three days I've been celebrating the women in my family.

Friday, my Grandmother's Birthday. My Grandma is amazing. So supportive and always very interested in everything her grandkids are doing. And she's an amazing cook too boot.

Saturday, my Sister's Graduation. My sister is one of he most genuine and outgoing people I know. She is always there for her friends and family and most importantly to me, she's always there for me. She is getting her Bachelor's degree in Family Studies and hopes to be a Family Counselor one day. I know she's going to be great at that. I'm so super proud of her. She's so great and deserves all the wonderfullness that is coming to her.

Sunday, Mother's Day. My mom... what can I say? She has stuck by me through some pretty turbulent times in my life, including this crazy current journey. She supports me even when I might be making a super risky decision. I couldn't have asked for a better cheerleader.

To all of these amazing women in my life, I love you. Thank you for being such an integral part of my life and supporting me through all of my ups and downs. Congratulations on your many triumphs! It was wonderful celebrating with you all this weekend.

All the love,
Kristin

The Catch-Up

A dear friend came into town today. I haven't seen Shannon in a few years and we are those very busy individuals who rarely get the chance to talk or email. So when she let me know she was flying in and wanted to grab dinner before driving to Farmington to visit her parents for the rest of the week I was super duper excited that I don't have rehearsal for Mulan Jr. yet.

Time with a friend that you haven't seen in a long time is never long enough. Always just enough time to catch up, reminisce about the past, and the share just a little bit about the future. But it's always great to do just that. Getting to see Shannon was great. A bright spot in a a time that is hard and trying and it's nice to have a person around who's known you for a long time and believes in you. She's still the best roommate I've ever had.

Today at the gym, we had some PAINE. And what a PACKED class is was today. If that's not encouragement to get up early to make it to the gym before ALL THE SPOTS AND EQUIPMENT are taken, I don't know what is. It's also so exciting to be at the ground floor of something so electric and amazing as eVolv. Truly special getting to meet everyone that I am.

Also in personal training with Rachel I learned how to do a Turkish Get Up and a Windmill with a kettlebell.

Good day.

All the love,
Kristin

Black and Blue

For starters, if you run into me this week, the bruises on my neck are neither hickeys or vampire bites. They are bruises from the biopsy I had on my thyroid nodules on Friday. I'll hopefully find out tomorrow any news on the status of the nodules.

I'm looking for work again. If you want any particulars, you'll have to email me. In the mean time I'm looking forward to catching up with things at The Box, making plans for the future and discovering some new projects.

Crazy personal training with Wilton on Friday. Running (or what I would call running) was done. Could barely walk the next couple of days. Then right on cue with the biopsy, I started feeling sick. Saturday I was sore all over. Sore throat, legs, arms, everything. I know it's going to all be worth it in the end, but this last weekend was tough.

Did get to see The Avengers and our production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown sold out all of it's performances. This cast was super talented and I'm very proud of Easton, who directed the show. He's one of our company members who has grown into a remarkable young man.

PAINE in the morning. Time for some sleep.

All the love,
Kristin