The countdown begins. 80 days until I turn 30 years old. The BIG 3-0. I know that in the grand scheme of things, 30 is nothing. It's a little in a whole world of big. But, partly because I think I'm supposed to, I'm freaking out.
Thirty is the age when you are supposed to be accomplished. Have made some adult movement in your life. Heading towards the life you've always dreamed of. In so many ways, I'm way ahead of the curve on this one. I started my own business with the help of my best friend at the age of 26. I get to make an impact on kids just about every day.
But, there is still this huge part of me who still feels like a lost 16 year old, trying to figure out how to make my way in the world. I always wonder, does that ever go away? Will I ever feel like a strong confident grown-up? And that's when the number 30 rears its ugly head again and says, "Uh, yeah by 30 you should be feeling grown up."
Now, I know that losing the weight is not going to solve my confidence issues overnight. I know there are a lot of other things that go into me being scared to do things. But I know that losing the weight will help. I won't constantly be wondering if people are judging me for what I'm wearing, eating, moving, doing, sitting because of how big I am. Losing the weight will make other things easier too like having energy to do warm up games with the kids, tying my shoes, yoga, fastening a seatbelt, sitting and standing for long periods of time, buying clothing. And being able to tie my shoes without feeling a little winded will definitely be a HUGE confidence boost for me. These things, that are simple and easy for others, are embarrassing to me that I can't do them with grace or ease. You should have no trouble tying your shoes at 30... 50 maybe, but that's because your getting older.
It's looking at 30 that makes you realize that yes, after this, things are not going to get easier, they are going to get harder so you need to have all the basics in place so that when things do get harder, you are ready for them. Your responsibilities become more the older you get, house, mortgage, children, car, insurance, retirement, planning how to still take care of those you love even after you are gone, they are all there staring the 30 year old in the face saying, "It's coming, and you're not ready. You've been spending all of your time and money on silly futile things. I hope you had fun."
And I have had fun, and I still plan on having fun. I think I'll have a lot more fun once I get my life in order and I won't be worrying so much about every little thing. Out of the things I've pledged to myself I haven't really followed through on a lot of it. I need to get a move on. I know all of it doesn't need to be done in the next 80 days, but I have to stop slacking so I won't keep writing this blog. I need to stop putting myself off.
All my love to you, those staring 30 in the face, those that see it coming and can laugh it off for a while longer, and especially to those who have made it through and have lived to tell the tale.
All my best,
KB
3 comments:
I'm only 24 so I probably don't have much to contribute to this blog, but I do understand what u mean by having a certain amount "completed" by 30, at 24 I feel like a slacker bc the things I should've accomplished by this age I haven't and it drives me crazy. I look at my dad who is 62 here's a man that when u look at him seems like a "confident" adult when actuality he's just a big kid who happens to have a job, wife and 2 kids everything else to him is just a bonus. What I'm sayin is that the world needs to stop putting time stamps on ur life (eg: by 24 you should have ur masters degree and looking for a job. By 30 u should have a family and have a career. By 55 ur kids should be in college and u should be close to retirement etc.) You should live life to ur standards regardless of ur age. Be proud of your accomplishments and reach for new heights, don't structure life according to age structure it according to goals and what makes you happy.
Kristin, having been a terrible slacker most of my life, my life didn't really start until 30! That's when I had my first, and then my second child, and finally started to feel smart and comfortable in my own skin. For most of my friends, they seem to say the same thing- life just gets easier and better in your 30s! Feel lucky that you have accomplished so much already and you still have your 30s to look forward to!
BTW, that last comment was Liz, not Ana. Dumb machine!
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