Finding My Tribe

So I was supposed to definitely do an update on February 8th, but when I checked the scale it said I hadn't lost any weight so I wasn't sure if a picture and blog was in order. I don't know if I'm going to make my goal of 88 pounds by December. It seems highly unlikely at this point. I am still going to the gym though! Tech week totally screwed me up and then my whole cast including me got sick which also screwed things up. Oh, AND my purse got stolen from the gym parking lot. Dumb me left it in the car under my coat and they stole it by breaking my window out on the coldest night of the year. Bummer. I'm taking having to replace all my stuff as a sign from the universe that its time to start over and really take charge of everything. Also, to not leave my purse in the car anymore.

I watched this really interesting video from the Ted Talks by Seth Godin about The Tribes We Lead. Here it is embedded here:


In it he talks about people who find each other based on common interests. Now, I know I've got lots of tribes in my life, my Box Kids and Parents Tribe, my Family, and I think other subTribes with in that tribe. But I feel like I've lost my main tribe, the tribe that I can talk to for long hours about theatre, music, books. For me, since college, I've been somewhat lost. Most of my close friends moved on to graduate school or moved to larger cities while I stayed here in Albuquerque and started The Box. And for some reason or another I decided to close myself off to new people. I've always been a bit of a loner, but in recent years I've felt more lonely than anything. Relationships that I once held dear are no longer here, and I often wonder if those relationships that I thought were really close were real at all. Was I kidding myself into thinking that we had a special bond? I've been trying to figure out how to open myself up to others, try to find my tribe again, but telling all the old stories you have to tell in order to feel intimate with someone new... I just don't feel like I have the energy for all that. Reconnecting with old friends seems even harder because it feels like everyone else has moved on, has new close friends and I have just stayed where I am.

I think getting back to my acting roots might help. In our small theatre community in ABQ, people get offered parts in things very often and because I haven't acted in a million years I am always overlooked. I've been thinking about seeing if I can join the Tricklock Incubator at UNM. It would get me thinking about myself creatively again, thinking about making big choices and would allow me to talk about process and things which I seem to be craving. It would also be different than anything I've done before.

I've always felt, and I know I've expressed this to you other ENMUers, that when we were together in Portales there wasn't anything we couldn't do. I miss having that feeling. That feeling of everyone else knowing what you were talking about. Having the same skill set of tools as the person next to you. Of knowing that the people you were working with were just as talented if not more so than yourself. There was some magic that happened with us and I just feel I need to find it again.

This blog has been a long time coming and I feel I may have left some things out as I've been writing this over a few weeks.I hope it makes sense and isn't totally jumbled.

All my best,
KB