Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Well
I've decided that my body is holding all these emotions, and that is why I'm overweight... I know that's not the whole story, but hear me out.
Today I went to PAINE and this class is perfectly named. It was seriously one of the hardest physical things I've ever done, ever. Strength training intervals. Lots of going down and coming back up, which at this point in time is not easy for me. I modify the heck out of most of the class and I'm almost to the end. We're doing one of the last set of crunches when I get this overwhelming wave of sadness and disappointment... And in a weird way relief. I'm doing sit ups and I'm crying.
Class ends and I pull myself together enough to put my mat and weights away. Then Wilton asks me how I'm doing... I shake my head no, knowing if I begin to talk I'm just going to start crying again. And then I can't help it, the tears just start coming. He tells me what a great job I did in class. That I should be proud that I finished. I nod yes but I keep tearing up. We say our good byes and I make it to my car just to cry some more. I cry the whole way home. Finally, after talking to Doug I start to calm down... and I feel better. Each time I've cried recently I've felt a release, a release of some emotion I've been holding onto.
I think its the exercise perhaps trying to find those happy endorphins, but instead coming across sadness and hurt and then telling them to get the hell out the way. So often in our lives we try to be strong for our loved ones. To not let them in on how we are truly feeling, we don't want to hurt them with our pain. So we hold it in. We get bottled up. Its like I'm a bottle of coke that someone just shook up and took the cap off.
I'm doing better, the fizz is dying down.
The rest of the day was normal. Battled my curiosity in trying a chocolate red chile biscochito and won. Went to the kickoff party for Tricklock Company where they got to officially announce that they are going to be our neighbors. So excited to have truly lovely and talented people a lobby away. All in all, beside the odd sobbing fit it was a good day. I have great supportive people by my side. The best friends a girl could ask for. I'm so thankful.
All the love,
Kristin
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I think you are really on to something! I worked with a massage therapist once who taught me that your muscle memory also evokes emotional memory. Basically, your body reacts to some stimulus and triggers your muscles to tense or engage in the same way they did during an emotional event; that action, like a nostalgic smell, brings back all the emotions of the event. My therapist specialized in breaking the neural connections between those muscle movements and emotional responses, and it really worked! I hope your new discovery helps you hurdle any stubborn obstacles and achieve your goals!
Post a Comment