Resolve

So, here we are, January 1st. That time when we all make promises to ourselves to make things different. To be better than we already are. To make that one change that will make all the difference in the world. I've broken so many promises to myself, that it breaks my heart thinking about it. Out of all the people we keep promises to you think the ones we make to ourselves would be the most important. The ones we would fight tooth and nail not to break. But yet here we are making the same promises to ourselves yet again.


I look back on my pledge to myself from last December 2010, and I still want all those things. As a recap:
1.Follow a schedule to balance my time.
2. Weigh 198 lbs by December 8th, 2011.
3. To eat at home more often.
4. To keep this website and blog updated.
5. To make a viable income.
6. To make time for friends and have at least one event in my home.
7. To take a results photo every 2 months.
8. To complete non-profit paperwork for Cardboard Playhouse Productions.
9. Get the theatre's financials in order.
10. Do more pre-production for shows.
11. Organize my home and get rid of excess.
12. Follow a personal budget.
13. Get some exercise at least 4 days a week.
14. Act in a play.
15. Enjoy life.
16. Cherish time.
17. Love others.
18. Adore myself.


Out of all of these things, I finished #8, but am now playing the waiting game with the state and the IRS in order to move forward and actually be a non-profit.


Looking back at this past year I had plenty of opportunities to make these things happen, but I continually let things get in between me and my goals. I gave myself excuses to get out of taking care of myself, my health, my finances, my business, and actually taking charge of my life. I was comfortable with just letting things happen to me instead of making things happen.


This whole past year though the universe has been trying to tell me something. Back in February my purse was stolen out of my car in front of Planet Fitness. I had to replace everything. New drivers license, bank account, new window. While the working out was good for me, casually leaving my purse in my car was not. Universe sent someone to partake of my lackadaisical attitude. Change.


Then my Infiniti I-30 that I loved decided to blow smoke out the tail pipe. Took it to the shop, the repairs would cost more than the car. Was going to have to get a new vehicle. Change.


After our summer camps were over I realized I didn't want to go back to the charter school I had done after care at the year prior. There was a lot of bureaucracy, and I didn't feel I was doing my best work there. Time to go back to a day job. I just happened to think of the event management firm I used to work at, looked up their website and saw that they were hiring. Sent the HR person an email and lo and behold I was able to go back for work for them. Not only that, but they were near my Planet Fitness. Change.


Also back at work at this event management firm was my friend Jenny. Mentioned in an earlier post, Jenny and I had always talked casually about me hiring her to be my personal trainer, something else that she does. She asked me to write down what I wanted. I think about a month and a half passed before I finally made the time and got the nerve to send her my goals. A few days later she called me into her office to tell me the good news. Wilton was offering to change my life. Change.


Finally, the Silver Gardens Apartments finally opened the second half of their new complex and I applied and visited their managers like crazy to check on my application. Finally, on Friday December 30th, I got the call that I was approved and could start moving in. Change.


I get it Universe. You want me to change. Everything has brought about an amazing result. I am in the right place at the right time right now. I'm getting an amazing opportunity to improve my life even more and (hopefully) in turn inspire others to make positive steps towards changing their own lives. 


I believe I've mentioned in blogs past that I've felt very closed off from others, not willing to share things about myself or my life and now here I am getting ready to open myself up and be more vulnerable than ever before. I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't a little scared and very nervous.


But I know moving forward I'm going to be working very hard. Harder than I've ever worked before. Having to give up some things I love for someone that I should love more than those things, myself. My retooled goals for now are these:
To be healthy
To be organized
To be more financially stable
To be in a play
Audition for a movie
subcategories of this: get headshots done, get an agent
To be more active at The Box/take more ownership

And a little more surface
be able to shop in regular clothing stores
Being a size 12 would be awesome
be more comfortable in movie theatre seats/booths at restaurants

I know that they aren't as specific as they should be. I need to work on that. Specific goals. I'm putting my sights on Drew Barrymore's look and going for that. She and I are the same height, and she still has some bosoms, so I think it's possible. Maybe not in a year, but maybe in two.

In a year, I see myself saving money by making my own food, eating at home. Inviting people over to watch movies or eat dinner. Being proactive and taking charge at the theatre. Having energy to really play with the kids at the theatre. Going on auditions for plays and movies. Chatting on the phone with my agent about new headshots and my resume. All my bills being paid on time and getting my debt all paid off. Being able to sit in a chair and know that their is room between me and the armrests. Slide into a booth and know that their is room between me and the table. Going into a regular clothing store and being able to buy the latest trends and look GOOD in them. To be organized enough to take some time off and enjoy a vacation or time off with those that I love. Most importantly, being able to look in the mirror at the end of the day and know that I did everything that I could and I'm worth taking the time to take care of myself.

I know this blog is long. Thanks for reading all of it and making it to the end. I hope your resolutions are finding you well and that your heart is mended in 2012 like mine is.

All my love,

Kristin