Back in the Saddle

While the last week has been very busy for me, it's not super interesting.

Every evening last week I went to my old apartment and packed my life into boxes. A lot of things I just threw away. It's bizarre to see everything you own in one room, in boxes. How did it all use to fill one apartment?

My dad did something for me that I couldn't do and took my cat to the Humane Society. I had to surrender her. It's painful and I feel awful, but I know in my heart of hearts I wasn't the best home for her. I'm rarely home, and I believe that she could use a really great family. Glinda, wherever you are, I hope you are a happy kitty.

Wednesday was my training day with CJ and he asked me how I'm doing. I think the stress of everything compounded itself together, plus the lovely added bonus of PMSing and I was a crying mess in no time.

One of the difficult things about this process is that everyone in your life is constantly asking you how you are doing. There are so many moments where I just want to tell them to read the blog. I try super hard to treat each person as new, as being someone who is genuinely interested in my story (which I'm sure most are) and let them know honestly how I'm doing. It is easier more times than not to give the easy answer of, "I'm doing okay. It's really hard." or "Good workout today, lots of punching," and skirt around the issue of how very exhausted I am. How it is very difficult to have so many people giving you assignments, some of them conflicting, and barely ever have a moment for yourself by yourself, truly, any more. Those are the moments that the tears come and I fall apart. I know it's just a moment. It will pass and I will feel better and positive about everything again. But when I'm crying and falling apart it feels like an easy thing to go back to the way life use to be.

AND then I remember how miserable that was and why I said yes to this journey in the first place.

And then I get sick. Super congested nose with sniffles and cough. Wilton had already given me the weekend off to finish moving and now, Monday morning, I can barely breath as I wake up. I text him and let him know I won't be making it in to the gym, but will rally for Tuesday.

Made it in today, for PAINE... my most "favorite" class. ;) Did okay, but still feeling sick. Weighed myself afterwards and staying strong at 277.3, which means I lost a total of 11 pounds in January. Whoo!

It's been a struggle, this past week. Lots of ups and downs. Lots of tears.  I've got a pretty good support system in place and I know that things are changing, that there is progress. And I get an email from a friend's husband saying that they are rooting for me in Utah and that I've inspired him to get off his butt and his doctor thanks me. A dear new friend telling me that she is going to quit smoking because of what I am doing. Because if I can do what I'm doing, she can quit smoking. That is worth all the tears right there. And so I ask you out there who are reading this, if you are starting on your own fitness journey, consider keeping a blog yourself. You don't have to write every day, or every week, but write about your journey; share it with your friends (and with me!) and inspire those around you. For me it's one of the best motivators in the world. Perhaps it will do the same for you.

All the love,
Kristin